Go 0-0-1, I Guess… (Giants-Commanders Week 5 Recap)

All week long, I said that a win over the Commanders would be all the ammo I needed to convince myself that the New York Giants had the inside track to becoming NFC East champions. Meanwhile, a loss against a desperate Washington team would be sobering, to say the least.

Well, after four hours, 54 evenly distributed points, and one tie, I’m not quite sure how to feel. I know damn well it ain’t sober, though.

The first half of this game reeked of so many Daniel Jones/Late-Stage Eli losses of the past. The offense was literally and figuratively stuck in the mud, going one-yard run, one-yard run, self-sack seemingly every possession, while settling for enough field goals to make the scoreboard look more palatable than the reality of the dire situation.

The defense once again deserves a ton of credit for keeping us afloat early on. After Tyler Nubin added another laughably bad downhill angle to his résumé, they really locked in and managed to survive three short fields courtesy of a pair of missed field goals and a Winston fumble, allowing just six first-half points outside of the opening drive.

Due to the improbable comeback that would follow, it’s easy to forget that the offense continued to be an excruciatingly painful watch for much of the third quarter. I don’t know how or why we continue to have so many procedural penalties week after week. It feels like we’re never set, constantly shifting guys across the line of scrimmage with two seconds on the play clock before frantically snapping the ball and praying no one jumps.

I read all summer about how hard the coaching staff worked to get Dart comfortable under center, so why can’t anything be done with a 12-year veteran? Swapping quarterbacks on these stupid JJ McCarthy packages surely isn’t helping our piss-poor management of the play clock. I hate that nonsense. Much like every wildcat play ever, IT’S ALWAYS A RUN AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT! The one exception was a 14-yard screen pass to Nabers, which was, of course, called back due to one of the aforementioned procedural penalties.

Down 13, Jameis threw an interception in the end zone that should very well have resulted in our goose being cooked. Instead, we finally became the beneficiaries of a questionable PI call that extended the drive and allowed Winston to hit Likely for the score three plays later.

Jayden Daniels would respond immediately with his second third-down, man-coverage-beating TD scramble in as many drives. While it appeared as though this would be a consistent problem for the remainder of the game, Dennard Wilson was able to adjust on the fly and keep the Commanders stuck at 27 points for the final 21 minutes of the contest.

Down 14 with 11:05 to go, the Giants would need to play perfectly on both sides of the ball to have any shot at a comeback. I already alluded to the defensive effort, but with his back against the wall, Jameis Winston and the offense were flawless in the fourth quarter and overtime.

With no choice but to completely abandon the nonexistent run game, the Giants lined up in shotgun and slung the hell out of the rock. Nabers and Likely took turns converting one big first down after another before eventually taking turns scoring touchdowns to tie the game at 27.

It pains me to abandon the run-first identity that appeared so promising with Dart, but I think we might need to shift more toward the pass-happy shotgun stuff as long as we continue to ride the Jameis Winston Express. For the first time this season, he finally looked comfortable in the pocket and was able to deliver the ball accurately. It’s almost as if the only time this offense can properly function is when we have no choice but to push the ball downfield. It will be interesting to see if we start next week’s game with this aggressive approach rather than turning to it out of desperation.

With 1:43 on the clock, I had basically resigned myself to the fact that the game-winning field goal drive was coming. I was proud of how the team fought back but knew, in my heart of hearts, that we hadn’t played well enough for most of the contest and that the loss was imminent. But Dennard Wilson would have none of my negativity, as he zero-blitzed Jayden right in his stupid, smiling face and forced overtime.

Again, nothing but kudos to Wilson, Carter, and the defense. But I have no idea how the Washington coaching staff didn’t have some sort of blitz beater ready when we had just forced a three-and-out using these same packages earlier in the quarter. What’s even funnier is that they still had no answers in overtime after being handed a golden opportunity to win the game following Zvada’s third miss of the afternoon.

The reason I’m highlighting all this coaching malpractice is simply to drive home the fact that we had no business winning this game. If Dan Quinn and David Blough were able to combine forces and produce a single sensible thought, this game never sees overtime or the two impossible choke jobs that would soon follow…

After seeing Skattebo encourage our mentally broken kicker, it felt like the storybook ending to this wild game was all but written once we got the ball back. The hard-nosed identity of this football team, which had been absent all afternoon, would be the driving force behind getting us into game-winning field goal range. Our rookie kicker would be given a chip shot at redemption, and the Giants would be 4-1 and in complete control of the division.

Unfortunately, it’s never that easy with this team, as Skattebo would inexplicably fumble while fighting for extra yards we didn’t need.

It’s a mistake that simply can’t be made, and it’s the sole reason I can’t allow myself to fully celebrate the tie. Did we deserve to win this game? Of course not. But in that situation, we had every right to, and winning in this league is too fucking hard to throw opportunities like that away.

The only optimistic approach I can take here is that I’d rather the team learn this brutal lesson in Week 5 against the dumbass Redskins than further down the line. If that’s the last late-game fumble or missed kick of the year, then you can mark this tie down as a win. But if this trend continues, be prepared for more heartache if and when it eventually matters.

The rest of the game will, of course, live in infamy for all eternity, as Jayden Daniels voluntarily ran out the clock before Washington could attempt a 40-yard game-winner of its own. The wild thing is that I was concerned about the Giants doing something similar before the Skattebo fumble. We were also out of timeouts, had reached the two-minute warning, and, if we had gone with three straight run plays, we wouldn’t have been able to spike the ball or get the kicking team on the field in time on fourth down.

I have to assume we wouldn’t have made the same mistake, but the fact that an amateur sports blogger has more awareness of these situations than NFL coaches and quarterbacks is a massive issue for anyone associated with the Washington Commanders. Even the commentators were out to lunch! As the clock wound down, I’m listening to Jonathan Vilma diatribe about how Daniels wants to kneel the ball on the hash mark for his kicker! He and anyone else who didn’t realize the Commies were fucked the second the ball wasn’t spiked should forfeit their right to mock any sort of coaching decision for all eternity.

Because of the great comeback and the fact that our opponent’s fuck-up was somehow so much more egregious than our own, it’s easy for this tie to feel like slightly more of a win than a loss. Regardless of the circumstances, this is the type of game we need to pull out if we’re serious about any sort of playoff aspirations.

With two more winnable games lined up, we simply need to be better, if for no other reason than the fact that “Go 0-0-1” makes for a heinous T-shirt design.

One Win Away from Full-Blown Delusion - Giants vs. Commanders Preview

After spending last night successfully hate-watching the Cowboys into submission, my New York Giants now find themselves in prime position to ride this streak of weak competition into a potential division title.

While looking three months ahead kind of goes against the whole “1-0” thing, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t one win over Washington away from fully believing we can actually pull this off.

Sure, it’s stupid and nonsensical to put any sort of expectations on this team, but so is rushing Jayden back three weeks after his forearm and tricep made an acute angle. If having the same level of discernment as the Fred Durst of Football is some sort of crime, then throw me in whatever jail has NFL Sunday Ticket and leave me the hell alone.

While the Commanders haven’t exactly shot out of the gate this season, they do represent the highest level of competition we’ve seen since the Rams. Despite the fact that their injury report reads more like a short story, it does appear that Terry McLaurin, Sam Cosmi, and, of course, Jayden Daniels will all be back for Washington’s offense.

I fully expect Denard Wilson to build on the success he found in the second half against Arizona, bringing pressure against a disjointed offensive line and praying that our corners can hang in there against the injured and aging versions of Stefon Diggs and Terry McLaurin.

Amputee or not, Jayden is an obvious upgrade over Jacoby Brissett, so he’s going to hit on a few big plays. But living and dying by the blitz needs to remain the formula, especially knowing we’re one Abdul Carter hit away from another “Greek Rifle” cameo. Hell, maybe Kayvon decides to start his season this week, considering he loves nothing more than padding his stats against the skins.

Offensively, I remain concerned about the erratic play of Jameis Winston. While the pass-rush and sack numbers aren’t great, you know this Brian Flores disciple/wannabe is going to be bringing the heat. Considering Winston has been feeling pressure in clean pockets, I worry that the misfires and self-sacking trends will bleed into this week as well.

With that being said, the combination of injuries and Mike Sainristil forgetting how to play football has the Commanders’ secondary in complete disarray. If we can pick up the blitzes and locate the one-on-ones, there are plenty of downfield shots to be had against this group. The beat writers had a field day writing about Leek asking for the ball. How about we give those uncreative weasels a new topic for this week?

This one won’t be easy. Divisional games rarely are. No matter how well Washington plays the run (sixth in the rushing YPG), we simply cannot afford to abandon the identity of our team and have Winston drop back 40 times. Time of possession needs to remain the focus whenever we’re playing this tier of quarterback. Limit their possessions, limit our mistakes, and there’s a good chance we end Sunday with a two-game lead in the division.

And at that point, this fanbase and that locker room will have no choice but to believe.

Giants Survive Cards, Go 1-0 Again

“One week at a time, one day at a time, one play at a time.”

One month into the season, John Harbaugh’s 1-0 mantra seems to be resonating, as the New York Football Giants have sole possession of first place in the NFC East.

While I’m still feeling the lasting effects of Sunday’s win (and the alcohol consumption that followed), it’s easy to forget that it looked like we were going to get boat-raced in this game. Jacoby Brissett and the Cardinals’ offense marched up and down the field on their first two possessions, while the Giants’ offense continued its three-week trend of running broken 3rd-down plays and settling for field goals.

Before I could finish my 3rd beer of the morning, the G-Men faced a 14-6 deficit, with an Arizona offense on the field that we simply had no answers for. As it turns out, the answer was out there all along, and the 6’4”, 243-pound man described as “Robocop” earlier this offseason would make his presence known.

Arvell Reese single-handedly kept the Giants in this game, causing five straight stops in the second quarter. He hit Brissett’s arm on a blitz, causing a fluttering throw to be intercepted; outran Tyler Allgeier in the flat on 3rd down; batted down a pass while generating pressure up the middle; intercepted a ball batted by Shelby Harris; and then tackled Jeremiah Love for an 8-yard loss on another 3rd down.

I rambled in the game preview about how I wanted to let our defense sink or swim based on the performances of the young players we’re relying on to develop into cornerstones, so needless to say, this sequence of complete dominance by our rookie linebacker tickled me in every which way.

Despite turning in another extremely lackluster two quarters of football, Jameis was able to find Malik Nabers on a 25-yard TD up the seam to somehow give the Giants the lead heading into halftime. I begged for more Nabers the past two weeks, and thankfully, we finally got a proper serving of our elite WR1. Six catches for 112 yards, a tuddie, and only one injury scare is all you can ask for from Malik, and hopefully he can continue to round into pre-knee-surgery form as the season progresses.

Despite the victory, I think it’s important to remain critical of Winston and the offense. People will point to the two heinous picks that led to the 10 points that kept Arizona in the game, but there were plenty of issues beyond those glaring mistakes. Jameis continues to be inaccurate (the Mooney miss really sticks out), uncomfortable in clean pockets, and late on easy 3rd-down reads (I can’t believe how late he was on that one to Berrios!).

Thankfully, he made enough big plays to counteract some of this nonsense, but I’m not sure how many more of those 3rd-and-20 bombs to Malachi Fields we can expect to be converted over the long term. While I’d say this was a marginal improvement for the passing game, it’s going to need to be much more consistent against better defenses.

The ‘Jameis Experience’ is tolerable when you’re winning, but had it not been for the miraculous goal-line stand, we’d be hearing nothing but calls for JJ McCarthy on WFAN this week.

But alas, that remains a conversation for another day thanks to the heroics of Abdul Carter and the much-maligned Deonte Banks. The pair of 1st-round picks have each been the subject of their fair share of criticism — Carter for his low sack numbers and general lack of effort during a losing season, and Banks for his general lack of effort during a losing season while also being terrible at football.

While the box-score watchers and grandparents won’t love the fact that Carter didn’t add a sack to the stat sheet, anyone who watched that game saw his impact on each and every play in the 2nd half. I know people roll their eyes whenever someone references “pressures,” but I’d like these same people to tell me one time Markus Golden and his fugazi coverage sacks impacted a football game like Carter did yesterday.

Brissett was a completely different quarterback when he was forced to release the ball a tick earlier, and the proof is in that delicious winning pudding.

Meanwhile, Deonte Banks was a guy I couldn’t bear the sight of for the past two seasons. He was benched on a defense that couldn’t stop a nosebleed, had his 5th-year option declined, and was relegated to kick returner by the previous coaching staff. And that’s not even an indictment of Daboll — the kid flat-out couldn’t play, and more specifically, could never turn around and locate the football.

After being flagged for one of the softest DPIs you’ll ever see, it appeared that Banks would once again be a catalyst for another crushing Giants defeat. Instead of crying about getting absolutely hosed by the officials, Tae kept his chinstrap buckled and had two of the best plays of his career at the goal line — turning around, playing the ball, and strapping up Trey McBride and Michael Wilson to seal the victory.

I’ll admit, I was one of the bozos watching at home telling him to “GET DOWN!” during the return — but fuck it. This kid deserved to score the touchdown in front of what I assume to be the loudest MetLife crowd he’s ever experienced.

You honestly couldn’t script a better ending to the game. On a week where half the fanbase was clamoring for Schoen to trade for Joey Porter Jr., essentially righting his wrong for selecting Banks over the former Steelers star, Tae comes up with the team’s second walk-off INT at the goal line in as many weeks. Absolute Cinema.

So here we stand: decimated by injuries, written off by fans and media alike, yet sitting at 3-1 and finding ways to win football games.

It wasn’t perfect, and I know it was just the Cardinals, but how can you not be inspired watching this team repeatedly get off the mat? And if us fans are feeling it, how do you think the guys in that locker room are feeling right now? Many of them have experienced nothing but losing throughout their Giants tenure and are finally getting the results they’ve so desperately craved.

Who knows how long this will last, but I urge all of you to enjoy this Victory Monday and then begin preparation to go 1-0 again next Sunday.

The Road to 1-0 Starts Here (Giants vs. Cardinals Preview)

It’s never a dull week on 1925 Giants Drive. While we seemingly had every opportunity to serve as background noise to this NFL season, the Giants instead opted to create a quarterback controversy, unceremoniously cut the most polarizing player in team history, and potentially lose the Joey Porter Jr. bidding war to the Dallas Cowboys. Needless to say, the fanbase is feeling some feelings heading into what many expected to be one of the least consequential games on the schedule.

Five months ago, any Giants fan who tuned into the 2026 NFL Schedule Release presented by DraftKings™ had this game penciled in as a win. I don’t need to outline the circumstances that have since changed, but needless to say, this one now feels pretty damn scary.

The NFL screenwriters have been trying to write Jacoby Brissett off for the better part of a decade, yet every time he’s a bad week away from hosting a podcast, he puts together some 5-touchdown, 400-yard game during the waning moments of RedZone that captures the hearts of the nation. Brissett’s ill-advised holdout attempt somehow earned him an incentive-based pay raise for the 2026 season. You can bet both ass cheeks that he sees this depleted secondary and underwhelming pass rush as a major opportunity to inch closer toward an eventual payday.

Michael Wilson and Trey McBride are going to be massive problems all afternoon. Expect the ball to come out quickly, with our corners diving at ankles or committing DPIs to prevent the big plays from piling up. We’ll need to hope and pray for more heroics from Jevon Holland to force a turnover or two, because I otherwise struggle to envision a world in which we don’t get dinked and dunked to death by this team.

On top of that, I’m desperately afraid we may serve as MCs for Jeremiah Love’s coming-out party. While the stats and usage probably leave something to be desired for all the fantasy footballers out there, this kid passes the eye test. Outside of the Rams mercifully bleeding out the clock, no team has consistently tried to run the football against us. Is that partially because you can easily pick on our corners? Sure. But if the Cards are able to generate explosive plays with Love early, I don’t see what stops them from going back to the well all afternoon.

While it’s easy to be pessimistic about the defense in its current state (see above), I’m looking forward to slowly being proved wrong as the year progresses. Let these young guys continue to struggle toward eventual improvement. Let our coaching staff demonstrate that they can make adjustments as the season progresses.

This is why I had no desire to send a second-rounder (and more) for a disgruntled Joey Porter Jr., who will inevitably bend us over the negotiating table all spring. I want to see how Reese matches up against Love. I want to see if Carter and Thibodeaux can step up in the absence of Brian Burns. And hey, if anyone can emerge from the DT or CB rooms as a long-term starter, that would be great, too.

On the offensive side of the ball, we desperately need to get the passing game going. We can’t rely on 30 consecutive 3-yard runs to score touchdowns, especially when we have a bad habit of tossing a negative play or penalty into the mix.

Jameis has left so much to be desired that we now have JJ McCarthy holding clipboards and painting his face on our sideline. But according to my trusted Twitter film guys (shoutout to Awthentik), this may be as much a Matt Nagy problem as anything else.

Can we have Malik Nabers run actual routes instead of these moronic manufactured touches that go nowhere? How have we gone this long without giving Malachi Fields a one-on-one or jump-ball opportunity? Our longest play from scrimmage this year was that broken 30-yard scramble drill to Skatt. We need to push the ball downfield as teams continue to stuff the box against our increasingly predictable run game.

If we’re able to generate big plays and win the turnover battle, we definitely have a good chance of winning this football game. While Arizona has slightly outperformed expectations, this isn’t exactly a juggernaut of an opponent.

Three weeks into the season, I’m not sure there are many juggernauts in the conference, and there are definitely none within our division. While I’m not trying to sell you on any sort of playoff run, going 1-0 this week gives us the opportunity to start getting a little delusional.

“Go 1-0 this week.”

I kinda like that. I should send the team some T-shirts or something.

JJ McCarthy is a New York Giant. What the Fuck?

I guess that private workout on Easter Sunday made quite the impression on Joe Schoen. Of course, not enough to draft him fifth overall, but clearly enough to part ways with a fifth-round pick three drafts later.

As I was putting the finishing touches on my Titans recap, little did I know that Schoen and Harbs were working the phones trying to acquire the backup quarterback I was adamant we didn’t need. I knew the outcry to replace Winston was picking up steam, but hats off to all the internet trolls and unimaginative beat writers — you got your guy.

The good news is, we’ve seen plenty of successful restoration projects involving highly drafted quarterbacks over the past few years. The bad news is that these projects were primarily conducted by Kevin O’Connell — who apparently deemed the papier-mâché version of Carson Wentz more suitable to quarterback his team than JJ McCarthy.

However, McCarthy won a national championship primarily by handing the ball off and playing mistake-free football — thus making him a natural fit for our team. On the flip side, McCarthy has done nothing but lose and get injured throughout his career… thus making him a natural fit for our team.

Even though this wasn’t a move I wanted to make, I can’t bring myself to throw a complete tantrum over a fifth-round pick. Best-case scenario, he proves to be competent and we can flip him — or a cost-controlled Jameis — for a higher price this spring. Worst-case scenario, JJ flames out and we lose a pick Schoen would’ve airballed anyway.

While I can’t imagine he plays this week, if Winston delivers another dud against Arizona, the broccoli cuts will mobilize and demand that their guy sees the field sooner rather than later. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there is a world where our Week 5 matchup against Marcus Mariota and the Commanders becomes quite intriguing.

Well, At Least We’re Not the Titans (Week 3 Recap)

When wins are as uncommon as they are for the New York Giants, you learn to celebrate and appreciate each of them in their own uniquely disgusting way. After fighting desperately to fend off an offensively inept Tennessee Titans team, it’s safe to say that the season’s outlook is about as positive as New Jersey’s five-day forecast. With that being said, it still felt damn good to close out a game we’ve lost dozens of times over the past several seasons, with the chief architect of those collapses in attendance, no less.

Let’s start with the positives. It’s safe to say we’re a tier ahead of the complete embarrassments of the league. Being able to accumulate wins against the moronic teams is the easiest way to ensure you don’t become one. The expectation was that Harbaugh would bring in a general sense of competence that has been missing in East Rutherford for 3+ presidencies. Whatever he and Denard Wilson cooked up on defense completely stymied (potential bozo) Cam Ward for three quarters.

Sure, they ended up giving up three long drives in the second half, but they made the plays necessary to hold the Titans to just seven points. Even fully healthy, the defense was never going to be the strength of this team. We were always going to be reliant on time of possession and being opportunistic (i.e. sacks and turnovers) to prevent 30+ points from being put on the board. After two weeks in which the offense proved incapable of sustaining the long touchdown drives we mistakenly became accustomed to, it’s a positive sign that Jevon Holland and that unit have continued to make plays to keep us in games.

With that being said, we’re going to face 14 offenses that are much better than whatever the fuck “Tits McGee” cooked up on Sunday. The non-existent pass rush once again struggled mightily and is now going to be without Brian Burns for the remainder of 2026. It’s definitely going to be difficult to remain “Medium Pepsi” half-full when it comes to this side of the ball, so let’s just hope Arvell Reese strings together more awesome games and Colton Hood learns to swim after being prematurely chucked into the deep end.

I was so optimistic that the offense would look better after a week of developing and practicing a Jameis-centric game plan. I was very wrong.

While I liked the commitment to the run, watching Skat get hit at the line of scrimmage over and over again was a tough watch, to say the least. Aside from the drive where Najee Harris mutated into Derrick Henry, it felt like we were scratching and clawing for three yards per carry all afternoon. On the four occasions where this strategy actually moved the ball, Matt Nagy decided to have an aneurysm while making his red-zone play calls.

Jameis was, once again, horrible, and I’m not sure the weather can be blamed. I never thought I’d see the day when the man behind the NFL’s first and only 30 TD/30 INT season would neuter himself into such a pansy. There is nothing to be afraid of! You know how bad you’d have to play for us to turn to Jake Haener? My wife, who still doesn’t understand what “special teams” means, dropped a “This feels like Daniel Jones all over again” as Winston held the ball and ran into his third sack of the afternoon.

I remain confident that there are no real upgrades available or worth trading for in what is most likely a lost season (see defensive worries above). But if he continues to throw seven-yard four-seamers into the turf while refusing to get Nabers or Likely involved, the cries for Jimmy G and JJ McCarthy (edit: LOL) will only get louder.

I’ll close by giving the special teams their well-deserved flowers. Jordan Stout might be the greatest punter of all time. I’d give this dude a 10-year contract tomorrow. Him flipping the field repeatedly after our 3 and outs made all the difference in a game we literally won by seven yards.

Dominic Zvada also appears to be the long-term solution at kicker. It’s ironic that someone with his haircut has proven to be the remedy for our toxic kicking relationship, but the kid has an absolute boot and was completely unaffected by the porous MetLife conditions.

These are two seemingly minor improvements, but in a season where you lose your most important players on both sides of the ball three weeks in, it’s nice knowing that the other third of the game is seemingly in a good spot for years to come.

As pathetic as it sounds, these are the types of victories we’re going to have to learn to celebrate. We’re not going to win the Super Bowl and probably aren’t going to the playoffs, so we need to cherish these signs of competence and improvement that we were promised upon John Harbaugh’s arrival. Even if they are as minor as beating Bob Saleh, Brian Daboll, and the Tennessee Titans.

Dart’s Season is Over. Ours Isn’t.

Anyone who calls themselves a sports fan has experienced their fair share of agonizing defeats and borne witness to their favorite players suffering gruesome injuries. Despite my recent expertise in this field, Tuesday’s news that Jaxson Dart would undergo season-ending knee surgery hit me in a way I never could have anticipated.

Is this partially due to the fact that my imbecile of a GM assured me “he’s going to be okay” before parading him up and down the sideline like Weekend at Bernie’s? Sure. But this one stung particularly hard for a multitude of other reasons. I know it was only one week, but the victory over the Cowboys was the first actual indicator of true, sustainable success that this franchise has seen in over 15 years. Instead of being able to see this promising season through, we’re forced to spend the next 50 weeks debating whether or not that victory was a fluke, whether or not Dart is a franchise quarterback, whether or not we should draft his replacement, and whether or not John Harbaugh still has the coaching pedigree to weather this strong of a shitstorm.

This was supposed to be the year that made all of the suffering worth it. All the pieces were in place, the division was ripe for the taking, and instead of getting to experience the 18-week campaign to claim it, we got four fucking quarters.

As I sat on my bedroom floor, ignoring the slew of texts from friends and family and deleting all the social media apps from my phone, I, for the first time in my life, found myself contemplating, “Is this really worth it?” Why do I spend all of this time and energy hoping and praying for an outcome that very well may never come to fruition? Let’s save the $10.99 a month and cancel RedZone. Maybe spend my Sundays doing something productive. Perhaps finally take my wife pumpkin picking this fall.

But as Coach said Wednesday afternoon, “You feel like it’s the end of the world and then you wake up and the work’s not done. The world keeps spinning. The games keep getting played.”

Dart’s season might be over, but the team’s isn’t. We still have 15 games to play, and I intend on thoroughly enjoying the product we put on that field. I want to witness our young defensive pieces develop into franchise cornerstones. I want to see John Harbaugh close out games that we lead in the fourth quarter. I can’t wait to see Jameis sling the damn rock after we build a game plan that suits his skill set.

All of this starts when the ball gets kicked off Sunday against a pathetic Tennessee Titans team. I refuse to believe that game ends with Daboll and Saleh chest-bumping on the sideline. Those two putzes caused more than their fair share of pain and suffering around these parts. It’s time for this team to return the favor and punish them.

I’m not naïve to the fact that the ceiling of this season has been lowered, but listening to Jameis speak this week has me fully confident that we’ll be able to pummel any opponent of this quality. He wasn’t his typical goofy self; he understood the gravity of the situation. He not only understands that this will likely be his final opportunity to lead a team throughout the entirety of a season, but he fully grasps the fact that this fanbase needs to be picked up off the mat.

On a rainy Sunday in the Meadowlands, this team will have us believing once more.

I guarantee it.

Why Does God Hate ME? (Giants/Rams Recap)

After suffering through an offseason where every dickhead with a microphone couldn’t mention my quarterback without uttering the words “blue tent” or “if he can stay healthy,” I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it a little humorous that just about every other young quarterback went down as my guy ascended to the tier of the elite. However, I deliberately refrained from any sort of grave dancing, in hopes that my non-participation in the Caleb Williams meme trend would generate some sort of karmic force that would protect my sweet baby boy all season long.

Unfortunately, my noble sacrifice was all for naught, as Dart would soon be sandwiched into a mid-air Michael Jackson move just seven plays into Monday night’s contest against the Rams.

We should’ve known better. Anyone who’s ever had the pleasure of experiencing an eight-day bender knows damn well that the other shoe will inevitably drop. As Giants fans, we rode the incredible high of one of the biggest wins of the decade, only to be hit with the euphoric comedown of yet another primetime embarrassment.

As I sat there contemplating the method by which I would burn our house to the ground, we slowly received positive bits of information from the ESPN broadcast. He walked off under his own power (still not making Caleb jokes — credit to me), wasn’t immediately taken to the X-ray room, and even appeared on the sideline in swaggy street clothes for much of the second half. Compared to the horrible thoughts we were all having, everything was going to be fine. Relatively speaking.

What was not fine was the performance that followed. Between the turnovers, dropped passes, and their fatso kicker shanking a field goal at the buzzer, the Rams gave the Giants ample opportunity not only to recover from the shock of Dart’s injury, but to remain in the game throughout the first half. But much like the dyslexic kid in your English class, the Giants never came close to capitalizing.

Jameis Winston was the darling of the offseason, somehow transforming his image from doofy bust to the Mr. Rogers of backup quarterbacks. So much so that the FIFA World Cup correspondent earned an extension that would keep him as the team’s QB insurance policy and comedic relief through the 2028 season. Winston’s relief appearance was so horrible that this unanimously praised move has now been added to Schoen’s ever-growing rolodex of questionable contract offers.

Where was that dominant rushing attack from Week 1? Was Dart’s cadence/threat to run the only thing propping up this house of cards that is a Matt Nagy offense?

When does this “elite” pass rush plan on pressuring the quarterback? Our corners were obviously outmatched. No one was expecting Colton Hood to put the straps on Davante in his first career start. So how about any one of the guys picked 15 minutes into the draft getting a hand on Stafford?

Most importantly, why does Harbaugh have a thousand-yard stare while our injured starters remain in an unwinnable game, only to get more injured? The fact that there was no room in the blue tent for Brian Burns because Andrew Thomas was already in there with four minutes left, down 28-6, is some sort of sick, Daboll-esque joke.

As embarrassing and familiar as that sequence of bullshit was, this doesn’t have to be the end of a season that was so promising (for eight whole days). This is why you brought in a John Harbaugh. Right the ship and win some ball games against some weaker, shittier-coached teams.

Hopefully, we’ve learned our lesson about sniffing our own farts a bit too hard after one week. I still believe in this team and know that the visibly rattled version of the Giants will be nowhere to be found come Sunday. Then, our hero Jaxson Dart will return on his white horse and lead the team back to the promised land.

UPDATE: I want to die. I hate everything. Sports suck.

Touch Grass. The Giants are Fine.

What was meant to be a quiet, uneventful, and productive Giants offseason has quickly flown off the rails after this weekend’s shocking news out of East Rutherford. For the first time in NFL history, a Republican and Democrat player share a Locker Room. Disturbing and disgusting, I know.

Obviously the so-called “journalists” and Twitter Bots had a field day as Jaxson Dart and Abdul Carter’s non-tiff went public. The mentally-ill on both sides of the spectrum planted their flags on opposing sides of the line of scrimmage as both of the team’s 2025 1st Rounders were torn apart by the biggest losers the internet has to offer.

I’ll say this as clearly as possible - If you’re offended by either side of this, you are the fucking problem. You’re a pleb whose been programmed to have a visceral reaction to anything that opposes whatever side of the coin your twitter algorithm realized you’re dumb enough to support.

If you want to keep mainlining the diarrhea soup the news feeds you, so be it. But if you support this team and find yourself arguing in the comment section of anything related to this, just know you’re no fan, you’re an opp.

You’re adding fuel to the fire of something that was a non-issue for the first 100 years of NFL football. In every real-life setting, you’re going to encounter people with upbringings and sets of beliefs that differ from your own. Odds are you’re going to have to communicate and collaborate with these people in order to find success or accomplish a common goal.

This team has more promise than ever and is preparing for its best season in 15 years. Don’t let hate mongers and social media bullshit ruin it. Because unlike you twitter dorks, these guys of some of the most physically talented, mentally disciplined individuals on the planet. They’re going to figure it out, no matter how badly the football hating pansies want to pull them apart.

If you don’t like anything you’ve read today, get fucking lost. We’re here to talk ball and support the Giants, not some grifting political party.