Welcome to Hell, JJ (Giants vs Texans Preview)

Whether we like it or not, the JJ McCarthy Era is officially upon us. Harbaugh announced earlier this week that the broccoli-haired (former?) bust will lead Big Blue against the Houston Texans this Sunday. Will 9x2 deliver an encore that makes America’s Zoomer population proud? Or will this reformation project go up in mango-guava vape smoke?

The major talking points surrounding the QB change primarily revolve around whether JJ’s mobility will open things up for our abysmal run game. Aside from the fact that JJ has already bungled a majority of the ultra-telegraphed read-option plays, the Texans 3rd ranked run defense makes me less than optimistic that this is the week we get the ground game back on track.

That means that you can probably expect more of the same fuck it/chuck it from McCarthy and the offense.  Obviously, this yielded some pretty positive results against the Saints, but I remain concerned that a better defense will capitalize on some of the unpunished mistakes that were made amidst the valiant comeback attempt.

With that being said, the Texans pass defense has drastically underperformed this year.  They’re allowing 246 yards per game (26th in the league) and that includes contests against Cam Ward and Gardner Minshew.  Houston’s inability to stop big plays through the air was a major reason they got off to the surprising 0-4 start that they did.

For a minute there, I was starting to convince myself that McCarthy, Nabers, and Likely would light up the Texans on the road.  Then I closed my eyes and imagined Will Anderson bull rushing Marcus Mbow and soiled myself.

With Andrew Thomas’s status in serious doubt, this unfortunate daydream may become a harsh reality.  I don’t care how much better McCarthy is at moving within the pocket – Anderson, Hunter, Rankins, and even Jadeveon Clowney will most likely spend a large portion of their respective afternoons in our backfield, reeking absolute havoc.

For those wondering how McCarthy will fair in a non-desperation mode scenario, they might have to wait until after the bye.  From the outside looking in, it seems like the Texans defense will be able to exploit our growing number of weaknesses and this will be far from a smooth transition for JJ and company.

The Giants’ only real chance to stay in this game starts and ends with a major bounce back performance from the defense.  The good news is that the Texans are yet another opponent who lacks a talented RB and typically shies away from the run.  That of course, didn’t stop Kendre Miller and Alvin Kamara from carving us like pumpkins but it remains something worth noting.

Dennard Wilson’s formula to stopping these sorts of offenses has been blitzing the life out of them whenever he even sniffs a passing down.  Unfortunately, CJ Stroud has seemingly returned to form and currently boasts the 2nd highest QBR vs. the blitz in the league.

Houston also adds Tank Dell and a now-fully acclimated/motivated Marvin Harrison Jr. to an already strong air attack.  This, paired with the fact that our entire secondary is concussed is obviously cause for concern.  The reality that we will be fully reliant on Paulson Adebo coming off the IR to slow down Nico Collins is fucking horrifying.

Unfortunately, the more I look at this game, the less faith I have in the Giants pulling off one of the biggest upsets of the season.  Aside from “Any Given Sunday” and “Maybe their whole team gets food poisoning” – I’m struggling to rationalize a clear path to victory.

But that’s why they play the games, right?  RIGHT?

With that being said, I’m still excited to see what McCarthy can do in a game he has no business winning.  He’s got nothing to lose, other than the game itself along with any chance of starting an NFL game ever again. 

So go get ‘em kid! We have (no choice but to) have faith in you!

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a Quarterback Controversy (Giants Saints Recap)

It feels so cliché to do the whole “only the Giants” thing, but show me another team that can dominate a first half, suffer a blowout loss at home, mount a historic comeback, and manufacture a quarterback controversy all within the span of four quarters.

Just another Sunday afternoon in the Meadowlands, I suppose.

The first 28 minutes of this game were going so, so well. Despite some misfires, Jameis was moving the ball, with some much-needed help from the latest evictee from the crowded doghouse: Tyrone Tracy.

We had Reese using O-linemen as projectiles and Carter cooking their sad sack of a left tackle. If we could maintain our double-digit lead, the game script would call for a lot more Abdul, and Shough would eventually make the backbreaking mistake I so desperately craved.

Instead, a long kickoff return allowed the Saints to kick a 58-yard field goal, giving them their first points of the afternoon. Then, on the ensuing kickoff, Charlie Jones fumbled away all our momentum and initiated a series of unfortunate events that only Lemony Snicket could conjure.

New Orleans had 71 yards of total offense at this point. Yet instead of living in a world where we’re up multiple scores heading into halftime, I had to watch Trey Lance’s less talented brother tie the game on fourth-and-goal as time expired.

It feels like this fumbling nightmare will never end. Week after week, it’s somebody else making a uniquely devastating mistake at the worst possible moment. Can’t wait for a long snap to hit Jordan Stout in the dick next weekend!

The second half went on to become the single most embarrassing stretch of the season. The Giants had the ball run down their throats by the most mediocre group of running backs the league has to offer.

Alvin Kamara is closer to claiming Social Security checks than being in his prime, and he’s out here tightroping down the sideline to score.

The Saints have done everything in their power to keep Kendre Miller off a football field for three years, yet he’s gonna turn into some bell cow against us?

While all this was going on, Jameis and the offense went three-and-out, hilarious interception, three-and-out, hilarious interception, and the deficit ballooned to 24 points.

In two shakes of a lamb’s tail, this game went from a presumed Giants victory to one in which JJ McCarthy and Spencer Rattler would appear in mop-up duty. What a treat.

After the offenses exchanged turnovers, things got quite interesting, to say the least. Once JJ led a quick, eight-point scoring drive, Rattler was sent right back to the bench with seven minutes to go.

An insanely quick three-and-out gave McCarthy another chance to blindly chuck the ball downfield in a comical three-play, 73-yard, 48-second scoring drive. This sequence consisted of the insanely bad YOLO ball to Charlie Jones, a called-back interception, and the 24-yard seed to Likely to cut the deficit to 10 points.

Another Shough three-and-out (noticing a trend?) gave the ball right back to the offense, which once again put points on the board, opting for a field goal attempt before the two-minute warning.

Here’s where I need to take Harbaugh to task. I don’t understand the logic of scoring at 2:04 and then kicking the ball off in bounds, potentially wasting the timeout and 40 seconds that probably would’ve come in handy on that final drive.

This, paired with two “way too early” failed onside-kick attempts and a pair of bad blindside-block penalties on returns, cost us almost 100 yards of field position during the comeback.

John Harbaugh has literally changed my life for the better, so trust me, I’m not calling for the guy’s job. But special teams, clock management, and general decision-making need to remain an advantage for this group if we want to stay competitive.

I appreciate the fight we showed in the fourth quarter, but we had a real opportunity to be on the winning side of one of these monumental collapses for a change. Missing this chance to flip the franchise’s fourth-quarter script by the mere seconds we wasted stings, I can’t lie.

Nabers and Likely were once again out of this world. They got open, made acrobatic grabs, and made defenders miss all game long. I sound like a broken record, but I don’t see why we can’t find these guys downfield until it’s an absolute necessity. This might be the best duo of playmakers in the league. Can we design some non-bubble-screen opportunities for them before the fourth quarter, please?

As I previously alluded to, JJ McCarthy’s heroics got us within one potentially missed PI call of tying or winning the game. The stats speak for themselves: he played with some serious balls and probably deserves his shot at starting sooner rather than later.

With that being said, I’m not certain it comes this week. He himself threw an interception and nearly threw at least two more. While his performance was extremely valiant, I’m not sure how repeatable it is given the reckless (yet quite necessary) nature of a lot of those throws.

The primary issue remains that we have no semblance of a running game. Benching Skattebo clearly didn’t fix shit, and for the third week in a row, we were forced into deploying an offense that 12-year-old me would run in Madden 05.

If the coaching staff truly feels like JJ’s read-option and running ability will open things up on the ground, then I fully support him starting next week. I just hope one incredible quarter doesn’t mask the fact that we were once again playing from behind a significant second-half deficit.

Assuming Washington gets embarrassed tonight, it looks like the whole East will lose this week, which means we remain in the driver’s seat of this clown car of a division. Making the necessary offensive adjustments and, more specifically, making the right quarterback decision will likely determine how long we hang around the playoff hunt.

So, where do you stand on the quarterback debate? Does JJ’s near miracle earn him the start against Houston, or do we keep living the Jameis Winston experience for one more week?

Sound off in the comments!

Tyler Shough is NOT Him (Giants Saints Preview)

Well, we’re now four days removed from witnessing Jayden Daniels’ epic spat of cerebral diarrhea. While I continue to laugh from atop our feeble division, it’s probably time for the Giants to move on and focus on their next one-win opponent.

For those who strictly consume the NFL via their fantasy app and/or TikTok, the New Orleans Saints have been one of the biggest disappointments of the year. Meanwhile, anyone who was paying the slightest bit of attention to last season’s little “run” knew the Saints were just as fraudulent as the teams Shough compiled his mediocre stats against.

I mean, Christ — the guy went 5-5 and threw 10 TDs and 6 picks. The only two games in which he threw for 300+ yards were against the Titans and Jets, who just picked second and fourth in the draft. Jameis Winston is in the midst of a much better stretch, and half the fanbase wants him tarred, feathered, and benched for JJ McCarthy!

Tyler Shough was a freshman at Oregon alongside Jevon Holland. Giants legend Shane Lemieux, who retired in 2024, was also on that team. Between his decade of experience and completely average play, I don’t know how anyone can argue that his skill set is that of a franchise quarterback rather than the backup he’s destined to become.

Kellen Moore appears to be ignoring these facts, as New Orleans is throwing the ball at the second-highest rate in the league (65.27%). While this neglect of the run game is partially due to their battered and bruised RB room, it does seemingly play directly into the hands of our defense.

D.J. Reader and Shelby Harris have been nothing short of incredible thus far, but the DT depth behind them remains a concern. Yet, seemingly every week, teams willingly refrain from testing that lack of depth by throwing the ball 40 times against us.

I know Shough isn’t as bad as my propaganda would suggest, and I’m aware he’s more than capable of peppering us with shots to Olave and Vele. But at the same time, I’ve been incredibly encouraged by the play of our secondary over the past three weeks. While the Saints do represent a step up in recent WR competition, if our guys can hang in there in man coverage, I expect more of Carter and company to keep getting home.

From there, the mistakes and turnovers should come. New Orleans consistently loses the turnover battle, averaging 1.2 more giveaways per week than their opponents. If we’re able to go a single week without the soul-crushing fumble(s), this area should be a clear advantage for the G-Men.

Speaking of turnovers, what type of Jameis Winston should we expect to see Sunday? As rough as it’s been at times, it’s hard to discount the sheer number of TDs and passing yards he’s been able to produce in the second halves of these games. I, along with seemingly everyone in the Giants social media space, clamored for more shotgun and spread concepts following Jameis’ success and ability to move the ball against Washington.

While I think we should see an increase in these type of sets, the Saints’ rushing defense is also even more of a sieve than ours. New Orleans is allowing almost 150 yards per game on the ground (30th in the NFL), along with 10 TDs in five games. They live out of light boxes and will undoubtedly be giving Nabers and Likely extra attention after their dominant showings last week. Let’s allow Tyrone Tracy out of the doghouse and see if he can bust one.

While the oddsmakers don’t seem to agree, I expect the Giants to win this game. Stay balanced on offense (at least for one more week), win the turnover battle against a QB who loves giving the ball away, and take care of this dopey, overrated team at home.

P.S. — I couldn’t find a good spot for it, but it’s worth noting that Kellen Moore looks like South Park’s rendition of the Hardy Boys. Let’s temper that “raging clue” he has for Shough and shut this offense down.

Go 0-0-1, I Guess… (Giants-Commanders Week 5 Recap)

All week long, I said that a win over the Commanders would be all the ammo I needed to convince myself that the New York Giants had the inside track to becoming NFC East champions. Meanwhile, a loss against a desperate Washington team would be sobering, to say the least.

Well, after four hours, 54 evenly distributed points, and one tie, I’m not quite sure how to feel. I know damn well it ain’t sober, though.

The first half of this game reeked of so many Daniel Jones/Late-Stage Eli losses of the past. The offense was literally and figuratively stuck in the mud, going one-yard run, one-yard run, self-sack seemingly every possession, while settling for enough field goals to make the scoreboard look more palatable than the reality of the dire situation.

The defense once again deserves a ton of credit for keeping us afloat early on. After Tyler Nubin added another laughably bad downhill angle to his résumé, they really locked in and managed to survive three short fields courtesy of a pair of missed field goals and a Winston fumble, allowing just six first-half points outside of the opening drive.

Due to the improbable comeback that would follow, it’s easy to forget that the offense continued to be an excruciatingly painful watch for much of the third quarter. I don’t know how or why we continue to have so many procedural penalties week after week. It feels like we’re never set, constantly shifting guys across the line of scrimmage with two seconds on the play clock before frantically snapping the ball and praying no one jumps.

I read all summer about how hard the coaching staff worked to get Dart comfortable under center, so why can’t anything be done with a 12-year veteran? Swapping quarterbacks on these stupid JJ McCarthy packages surely isn’t helping our piss-poor management of the play clock. I hate that nonsense. Much like every wildcat play ever, IT’S ALWAYS A RUN AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT! The one exception was a 14-yard screen pass to Nabers, which was, of course, called back due to one of the aforementioned procedural penalties.

Down 13, Jameis threw an interception in the end zone that should very well have resulted in our goose being cooked. Instead, we finally became the beneficiaries of a questionable PI call that extended the drive and allowed Winston to hit Likely for the score three plays later.

Jayden Daniels would respond immediately with his second third-down, man-coverage-beating TD scramble in as many drives. While it appeared as though this would be a consistent problem for the remainder of the game, Dennard Wilson was able to adjust on the fly and keep the Commanders stuck at 27 points for the final 21 minutes of the contest.

Down 14 with 11:05 to go, the Giants would need to play perfectly on both sides of the ball to have any shot at a comeback. I already alluded to the defensive effort, but with his back against the wall, Jameis Winston and the offense were flawless in the fourth quarter and overtime.

With no choice but to completely abandon the nonexistent run game, the Giants lined up in shotgun and slung the hell out of the rock. Nabers and Likely took turns converting one big first down after another before eventually taking turns scoring touchdowns to tie the game at 27.

It pains me to abandon the run-first identity that appeared so promising with Dart, but I think we might need to shift more toward the pass-happy shotgun stuff as long as we continue to ride the Jameis Winston Express. For the first time this season, he finally looked comfortable in the pocket and was able to deliver the ball accurately. It’s almost as if the only time this offense can properly function is when we have no choice but to push the ball downfield. It will be interesting to see if we start next week’s game with this aggressive approach rather than turning to it out of desperation.

With 1:43 on the clock, I had basically resigned myself to the fact that the game-winning field goal drive was coming. I was proud of how the team fought back but knew, in my heart of hearts, that we hadn’t played well enough for most of the contest and that the loss was imminent. But Dennard Wilson would have none of my negativity, as he zero-blitzed Jayden right in his stupid, smiling face and forced overtime.

Again, nothing but kudos to Wilson, Carter, and the defense. But I have no idea how the Washington coaching staff didn’t have some sort of blitz beater ready when we had just forced a three-and-out using these same packages earlier in the quarter. What’s even funnier is that they still had no answers in overtime after being handed a golden opportunity to win the game following Zvada’s third miss of the afternoon.

The reason I’m highlighting all this coaching malpractice is simply to drive home the fact that we had no business winning this game. If Dan Quinn and David Blough were able to combine forces and produce a single sensible thought, this game never sees overtime or the two impossible choke jobs that would soon follow…

After seeing Skattebo encourage our mentally broken kicker, it felt like the storybook ending to this wild game was all but written once we got the ball back. The hard-nosed identity of this football team, which had been absent all afternoon, would be the driving force behind getting us into game-winning field goal range. Our rookie kicker would be given a chip shot at redemption, and the Giants would be 4-1 and in complete control of the division.

Unfortunately, it’s never that easy with this team, as Skattebo would inexplicably fumble while fighting for extra yards we didn’t need.

It’s a mistake that simply can’t be made, and it’s the sole reason I can’t allow myself to fully celebrate the tie. Did we deserve to win this game? Of course not. But in that situation, we had every right to, and winning in this league is too fucking hard to throw opportunities like that away.

The only optimistic approach I can take here is that I’d rather the team learn this brutal lesson in Week 5 against the dumbass Redskins than further down the line. If that’s the last late-game fumble or missed kick of the year, then you can mark this tie down as a win. But if this trend continues, be prepared for more heartache if and when it eventually matters.

The rest of the game will, of course, live in infamy for all eternity, as Jayden Daniels voluntarily ran out the clock before Washington could attempt a 40-yard game-winner of its own. The wild thing is that I was concerned about the Giants doing something similar before the Skattebo fumble. We were also out of timeouts, had reached the two-minute warning, and, if we had gone with three straight run plays, we wouldn’t have been able to spike the ball or get the kicking team on the field in time on fourth down.

I have to assume we wouldn’t have made the same mistake, but the fact that an amateur sports blogger has more awareness of these situations than NFL coaches and quarterbacks is a massive issue for anyone associated with the Washington Commanders. Even the commentators were out to lunch! As the clock wound down, I’m listening to Jonathan Vilma diatribe about how Daniels wants to kneel the ball on the hash mark for his kicker! He and anyone else who didn’t realize the Commies were fucked the second the ball wasn’t spiked should forfeit their right to mock any sort of coaching decision for all eternity.

Because of the great comeback and the fact that our opponent’s fuck-up was somehow so much more egregious than our own, it’s easy for this tie to feel like slightly more of a win than a loss. Regardless of the circumstances, this is the type of game we need to pull out if we’re serious about any sort of playoff aspirations.

With two more winnable games lined up, we simply need to be better, if for no other reason than the fact that “Go 0-0-1” makes for a heinous T-shirt design.

One Win Away from Full-Blown Delusion - Giants vs. Commanders Preview

After spending last night successfully hate-watching the Cowboys into submission, my New York Giants now find themselves in prime position to ride this streak of weak competition into a potential division title.

While looking three months ahead kind of goes against the whole “1-0” thing, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t one win over Washington away from fully believing we can actually pull this off.

Sure, it’s stupid and nonsensical to put any sort of expectations on this team, but so is rushing Jayden back three weeks after his forearm and tricep made an acute angle. If having the same level of discernment as the Fred Durst of Football is some sort of crime, then throw me in whatever jail has NFL Sunday Ticket and leave me the hell alone.

While the Commanders haven’t exactly shot out of the gate this season, they do represent the highest level of competition we’ve seen since the Rams. Despite the fact that their injury report reads more like a short story, it does appear that Terry McLaurin, Sam Cosmi, and, of course, Jayden Daniels will all be back for Washington’s offense.

I fully expect Denard Wilson to build on the success he found in the second half against Arizona, bringing pressure against a disjointed offensive line and praying that our corners can hang in there against the injured and aging versions of Stefon Diggs and Terry McLaurin.

Amputee or not, Jayden is an obvious upgrade over Jacoby Brissett, so he’s going to hit on a few big plays. But living and dying by the blitz needs to remain the formula, especially knowing we’re one Abdul Carter hit away from another “Greek Rifle” cameo. Hell, maybe Kayvon decides to start his season this week, considering he loves nothing more than padding his stats against the skins.

Offensively, I remain concerned about the erratic play of Jameis Winston. While the pass-rush and sack numbers aren’t great, you know this Brian Flores disciple/wannabe is going to be bringing the heat. Considering Winston has been feeling pressure in clean pockets, I worry that the misfires and self-sacking trends will bleed into this week as well.

With that being said, the combination of injuries and Mike Sainristil forgetting how to play football has the Commanders’ secondary in complete disarray. If we can pick up the blitzes and locate the one-on-ones, there are plenty of downfield shots to be had against this group. The beat writers had a field day writing about Leek asking for the ball. How about we give those uncreative weasels a new topic for this week?

This one won’t be easy. Divisional games rarely are. No matter how well Washington plays the run (sixth in the rushing YPG), we simply cannot afford to abandon the identity of our team and have Winston drop back 40 times. Time of possession needs to remain the focus whenever we’re playing this tier of quarterback. Limit their possessions, limit our mistakes, and there’s a good chance we end Sunday with a two-game lead in the division.

And at that point, this fanbase and that locker room will have no choice but to believe.

The Yankees are No Longer a Serious Baseball TEam (Game 3 Recap)

Another year, another mortifying playoff series loss brought to you by the New York Yankees. At this point, you can argue that this team being eliminated from postseason contention is more synonymous with the month of October than Halloween. While both are widely celebrated, if you don’t have kids, you eventually tone down the costuming in your late 20s. Meanwhile, as my 33rd birthday approaches, the Yankees are showing no signs of slowing down and look to continue devastating this great fanbase for the foreseeable future.

Anyone who watched Games 1 and 2 should have gotten all of the sadness and mourning out of their system. Nothing about this team had changed, and they had no chance of winning this series. My expectations couldn’t have been lower, the final result couldn’t have been any more predictable, yet I had no choice but to sit and endure the last nine innings of my baseball season. Three-plus hours and no escape from the monstrosities occurring in front of me — now I know how Dua Lipa must’ve felt with Creepy-Ass Marlins Man showing her memes and sniffing her hair all night.

While Game 3 was the best the Yankees have looked all series (basically by default), there was never a moment when you felt this team would pull out the victory needed to salvage its last remaining ounce of dignity. Max Fried almost missed the birth of his child just to provide us with yet another mediocre ALDS start, firmly supplanting himself on the Yanks’ ever-growing list of playoff no-shows. You’d think that having a front-row seat to watch this atrocious offense the past two games would have locked Max in when they managed to tie the game on two separate occasions. Yet both times, Fried instantly responded by giving up a pair of homers to right, the second of which still hasn’t landed.

Credit to Anthony Volpe. While the regular-season bar is extremely low, he is one of the only players on the team who actually improves his play come October. I knew immediately that the jabroni had reached over the fence and his game-tying homer was getting called back, but I was still proud of the kid and am more than willing to give him a fair shake at winning the second-base job next season.

He doesn’t exactly have the biggest shoes to fill, as hopefully Jazz spends the rest of his career playing baseball in Oakland, Colorado, or Mars for all I care. Boone pinch-hitting this moron in the seventh as his “do-or-die” move signaled to anyone watching that it was indeed time for this team to die. Boone’s Stantonian Hail Mary was then easily intercepted by Kevin Cash, who saw the move coming a mile away and had a side-arming righty patiently waiting to dismantle Big G.

Of all the managerial mishaps, nothing was more egregious than batting Trent Grisham leadoff. The only thing that worked all series was batting Ben Rice first. The guy was in the midst of an all-time postseason, and instead of having him bat in the ninth, we let Trent Grisham notch his fifth out of the game while Rice was forced to watch the season end from the on-deck circle.

I don’t know the next time we’ll get to see this team play baseball, but whenever that day comes, things need to be drastically different. Aaron Boone inherited a team full of young, promising players who had just gone to a Game 7 with the eventual World Series champs — who were actively cheating at the time. We’ve since injected this roster with a litany of MVPs, All-Stars, and exorbitant contracts, and the results have gradually shifted in the opposite direction.

Trust me, I’m not one of those “Fire the coach!”-after-every-loss guys. This decision should be based on the nine seasons of playoff losses that seemingly get more and more embarrassing by the year. Axing Boone isn’t going to solve everything, but it is the first necessary step in signifying that real change is coming — not only to the fans, but to the players in that locker room.

The fielding errors, mental mishaps, and general coddling of these players need to stop. What the fuck would Jeter have done if Jazz trotted out to second with a lollipop in his mouth, or if Devin Williams didn’t like how he looked clean-shaven? We used to be a serious baseball team and have slowly devolved into this collection of overpaid, entitled pansies who fail time and time again.

With a lengthy lockout expected in the coming months, we have nothing but time to make the necessary changes. We’ve clearly lost our way, and if we don’t get back to being the Yankees of old, who knows what type of support or interest this team will garner upon baseball’s eventual return?

Run It Back Baby! (Yankees vs. Rays Game 2 Recap)

At some point, I really need to stop doubting the level of trauma that Aaron Boone and the Yankees brass are capable of inflicting upon us. While Saturday night’s mortifying 1-hit, 1-0 loss might’ve felt a hell of a lot like rock bottom, this team continuously finds ways to outdo themselves. Somehow, someway, the Yankees managed to embarrass themselves in an even grander fashion, not only by refusing to hit the ball, but by refusing to field it as well.

The Yanks wasted no time letting us know that Monday wasn’t gonna be our night. Ryan McMahon — whose only redeemable quality is his serviceable 3rd base defense — completely fans on the most routine ground ball you’ll ever see. Then, instead of settling for a much-needed out, Jazz Chisholm opts to 360-no-scope a ball into the Rays’ dugout, instantly putting the team in a 1-0 hole.

After the game, Jazz was asked whether he regrets trying to turn that impossible double play. The Yankee second baseman told reporters, “I’d still try to throw the runner out.”

You gotta love this level of accountability. He’s not only doubling down on the mistake, but letting you know that he looks forward to making it again in the Bronx. I just hope to God he’s wearing another uniform when he decides to do so.

Schlittler would survive the pair of fielding errors, along with a 3-pitch strikeout overturned by catcher’s interference to keep the Yanks in the game. Cam fucking battled for the entirety of his short outing. Despite being under constant siege by the relentless Rays offense, he never allowed them to deliver the knockout blow. Even after the defense forced him into throwing high-stress pitches and getting a half-dozen extra outs, he still took responsibility postgame.

“I’m not disappointed in our defense. I’m not disappointed in the offense. Really just disappointed in myself. That’s baseball and those things are gonna happen. But I’ve got to be able to work through those. I wasn’t able to do that today. Didn’t get through the fifth, just not good enough.”

Given this is likely the last time we’ll see him pitch for a while, I think it’s only right that Cam gets his well-earned flowers. Schlittler is a rare breed of psychopath and a true throwback ace. While I respect the hell out of him falling on his sword, this game wasn’t on him at all. He carried this pitching staff from wire to wire, and his team let him down in the biggest game of the season. There are plenty of players that need to be replaced this offseason, but Cam is a guy I want on my team for the next 20 years. Rest up, King. We’ll see you soon.

It’s hard to believe that there was a point in the night where I genuinely believed the Rays had missed their opportunity to step on our throats and end the game/series. After Rice’s game-tying solo shot, it truly felt like the momentum was on our side. I probably should’ve realized it in the moment, but when you’re celebrating your biggest rally of the series — one that consists of a double, 2 walks, and an almost grand slam — your offense is in a truly pathetic state.

Enter: “Inning from Hell Pt. 2.”

As if watching him literally swing his helmet off for the 2nd consecutive game wasn’t offensive enough, Spencer Jones decided to get in on the defensive masterclass and stopped dead in his tracks to allow a leadoff single in the 5th. Then, with men on 2nd and 3rd and every other member of the infield playing in, you have Jazz playing shallow right field with a thumb up his ass, allowing a weak ground ball to give the Rays the lead. Boone would, of course, cover for Chisholm in the postgame, being ever so adamant that he was in the correct position. If that’s the case, then WHY WAS HE IN ON THE DIRT THE VERY NEXT PLAY?

By the time Lombard muffed another weak grounder and Luis Garcia couldn’t squeeze an easy out at 1st, I was beyond numb. We’re the same team making the same mistakes that cost us a World Series, and nothing will ever change. The 5-1 deficit was insurmountable, and the season was, by all accounts, over.

Aaron Boone seemingly shared my sense of ennui as he sat idly watching his team get massacred for the world to see.

Hey asshole, how about when your defensive lineup fails to play any semblance of defense, you make a god damn substitution? You’re so fixated on lefty/righty matchups, yet you allow our all-lefty lineup to get mowed down by left-handed bullpen arms for 5 straight innings?

We’re down 4 runs and just got ground-balled to death, and you’re just watching this team die like Corporal Fucking Upham. The best part is, if the Yankee Analytics Department catches wind that Tampa’s Game 3 starter scratches his balls with his right hand, THEY’LL ROLL OUT THIS LINEUP AGAIN!

This series is completely over. Even if we save ourselves the embarrassment of getting swept at home, you’re not beating Rasmussen and then winning a Game 5 Spikeball match at the Trop. The “Run it Back Yankees” are quite literally running back last season bar for bar.

Next season, it’ll be Baltimore’s turn to knock us out of the divisional round, but we’ll bat Grisham leadoff again and be told “things are different”.

Wooooo! Let’s go Yankees!

Giants Survive Cards, Go 1-0 Again

“One week at a time, one day at a time, one play at a time.”

One month into the season, John Harbaugh’s 1-0 mantra seems to be resonating, as the New York Football Giants have sole possession of first place in the NFC East.

While I’m still feeling the lasting effects of Sunday’s win (and the alcohol consumption that followed), it’s easy to forget that it looked like we were going to get boat-raced in this game. Jacoby Brissett and the Cardinals’ offense marched up and down the field on their first two possessions, while the Giants’ offense continued its three-week trend of running broken 3rd-down plays and settling for field goals.

Before I could finish my 3rd beer of the morning, the G-Men faced a 14-6 deficit, with an Arizona offense on the field that we simply had no answers for. As it turns out, the answer was out there all along, and the 6’4”, 243-pound man described as “Robocop” earlier this offseason would make his presence known.

Arvell Reese single-handedly kept the Giants in this game, causing five straight stops in the second quarter. He hit Brissett’s arm on a blitz, causing a fluttering throw to be intercepted; outran Tyler Allgeier in the flat on 3rd down; batted down a pass while generating pressure up the middle; intercepted a ball batted by Shelby Harris; and then tackled Jeremiah Love for an 8-yard loss on another 3rd down.

I rambled in the game preview about how I wanted to let our defense sink or swim based on the performances of the young players we’re relying on to develop into cornerstones, so needless to say, this sequence of complete dominance by our rookie linebacker tickled me in every which way.

Despite turning in another extremely lackluster two quarters of football, Jameis was able to find Malik Nabers on a 25-yard TD up the seam to somehow give the Giants the lead heading into halftime. I begged for more Nabers the past two weeks, and thankfully, we finally got a proper serving of our elite WR1. Six catches for 112 yards, a tuddie, and only one injury scare is all you can ask for from Malik, and hopefully he can continue to round into pre-knee-surgery form as the season progresses.

Despite the victory, I think it’s important to remain critical of Winston and the offense. People will point to the two heinous picks that led to the 10 points that kept Arizona in the game, but there were plenty of issues beyond those glaring mistakes. Jameis continues to be inaccurate (the Mooney miss really sticks out), uncomfortable in clean pockets, and late on easy 3rd-down reads (I can’t believe how late he was on that one to Berrios!).

Thankfully, he made enough big plays to counteract some of this nonsense, but I’m not sure how many more of those 3rd-and-20 bombs to Malachi Fields we can expect to be converted over the long term. While I’d say this was a marginal improvement for the passing game, it’s going to need to be much more consistent against better defenses.

The ‘Jameis Experience’ is tolerable when you’re winning, but had it not been for the miraculous goal-line stand, we’d be hearing nothing but calls for JJ McCarthy on WFAN this week.

But alas, that remains a conversation for another day thanks to the heroics of Abdul Carter and the much-maligned Deonte Banks. The pair of 1st-round picks have each been the subject of their fair share of criticism — Carter for his low sack numbers and general lack of effort during a losing season, and Banks for his general lack of effort during a losing season while also being terrible at football.

While the box-score watchers and grandparents won’t love the fact that Carter didn’t add a sack to the stat sheet, anyone who watched that game saw his impact on each and every play in the 2nd half. I know people roll their eyes whenever someone references “pressures,” but I’d like these same people to tell me one time Markus Golden and his fugazi coverage sacks impacted a football game like Carter did yesterday.

Brissett was a completely different quarterback when he was forced to release the ball a tick earlier, and the proof is in that delicious winning pudding.

Meanwhile, Deonte Banks was a guy I couldn’t bear the sight of for the past two seasons. He was benched on a defense that couldn’t stop a nosebleed, had his 5th-year option declined, and was relegated to kick returner by the previous coaching staff. And that’s not even an indictment of Daboll — the kid flat-out couldn’t play, and more specifically, could never turn around and locate the football.

After being flagged for one of the softest DPIs you’ll ever see, it appeared that Banks would once again be a catalyst for another crushing Giants defeat. Instead of crying about getting absolutely hosed by the officials, Tae kept his chinstrap buckled and had two of the best plays of his career at the goal line — turning around, playing the ball, and strapping up Trey McBride and Michael Wilson to seal the victory.

I’ll admit, I was one of the bozos watching at home telling him to “GET DOWN!” during the return — but fuck it. This kid deserved to score the touchdown in front of what I assume to be the loudest MetLife crowd he’s ever experienced.

You honestly couldn’t script a better ending to the game. On a week where half the fanbase was clamoring for Schoen to trade for Joey Porter Jr., essentially righting his wrong for selecting Banks over the former Steelers star, Tae comes up with the team’s second walk-off INT at the goal line in as many weeks. Absolute Cinema.

So here we stand: decimated by injuries, written off by fans and media alike, yet sitting at 3-1 and finding ways to win football games.

It wasn’t perfect, and I know it was just the Cardinals, but how can you not be inspired watching this team repeatedly get off the mat? And if us fans are feeling it, how do you think the guys in that locker room are feeling right now? Many of them have experienced nothing but losing throughout their Giants tenure and are finally getting the results they’ve so desperately craved.

Who knows how long this will last, but I urge all of you to enjoy this Victory Monday and then begin preparation to go 1-0 again next Sunday.

Well, That Wasn’t Great (Yankees Vs. Rays game 1 Recap)

After spending the last five days comfortably aboard Cloud 9, the Yankees were given one of the quickest, harshest wake-up calls in franchise postseason history. In the blink of an eye, all the confidence and goodwill the team had instilled in the fanbase washed away and replaced with a 1-0 series deficit.

This game ended so quickly that I still had time to watch a movie afterward. Between the decision process and the slew of Progressive ads, 2025's Together might've lasted even longer, while sucking nearly as bad.

Listen, we all knew this Rays series was going to be far more challenging than the last, but not for any of the reasons we saw tonight. It's not like the Tampa offense had a ton of traffic on the basepaths. They weren't slapping the ball around, bunting, stealing bags, or being the pains in the ass we've all come to expect.

On a night when Cole was far from perfect, he still managed to navigate through their lineup multiple times, surrendering only the solo shot through five. The bullpen then proceeded to absolutely cruise through the next three innings, parking this one outside of a Newark bodega - in prime position to be stolen.

Unfortunately, the Yankee offense was nowhere to be found as Drew Rasmussen carved us up in one of the most dominant playoff pitching performances these eyes have ever seen. It was a "blink and it's the seventh inning" type of showing from Tampa's ace, whose no-hit bid didn't end until Austin Wells drilled a double down the line in the top of the eighth.

Unfortunately, said double would become out number 3 of the inning after the Yankee catcher inexplicably tried stretching our only base hit into a triple for reasons I still can't fully fathom.

"Never make the first or third out at third base," said Michael Kay... for the last 25 years of my life. Do you know how bad of a fuck-up it takes to earn offensive scapegoat honors when you're the only guy who got a hit? Luis Rojas would send my Grandma across the Jersey Turnpike, and even he was throwing up the double stop signs!

I'm well aware we probably weren't getting another knock off Rasmussen or that mutant closer of theirs, but you can't kill our only scoring opportunity of the night by getting gunned down by 20 feet. Just such an unserious, embarrassing moment that simply can’t happen.

But alas, the focus now shifts to Game 2. It goes without saying that with Schlittler on the mound, this is a must-win. If we're being honest with ourselves, knowing this monster is looming in Game 4, it's imperative that we get the next two.

I fully trust Cam to do his thing, and you have to believe the bats will have a better showing against Freddy Peralta — ideally, not just by default.

So please, Yankees, flush this wasted opportunity away and show up on Monday, because I don't know how many more Dave Franco horror performances I have in me.

The Road to 1-0 Starts Here (Giants vs. Cardinals Preview)

It’s never a dull week on 1925 Giants Drive. While we seemingly had every opportunity to serve as background noise to this NFL season, the Giants instead opted to create a quarterback controversy, unceremoniously cut the most polarizing player in team history, and potentially lose the Joey Porter Jr. bidding war to the Dallas Cowboys. Needless to say, the fanbase is feeling some feelings heading into what many expected to be one of the least consequential games on the schedule.

Five months ago, any Giants fan who tuned into the 2026 NFL Schedule Release presented by DraftKings™ had this game penciled in as a win. I don’t need to outline the circumstances that have since changed, but needless to say, this one now feels pretty damn scary.

The NFL screenwriters have been trying to write Jacoby Brissett off for the better part of a decade, yet every time he’s a bad week away from hosting a podcast, he puts together some 5-touchdown, 400-yard game during the waning moments of RedZone that captures the hearts of the nation. Brissett’s ill-advised holdout attempt somehow earned him an incentive-based pay raise for the 2026 season. You can bet both ass cheeks that he sees this depleted secondary and underwhelming pass rush as a major opportunity to inch closer toward an eventual payday.

Michael Wilson and Trey McBride are going to be massive problems all afternoon. Expect the ball to come out quickly, with our corners diving at ankles or committing DPIs to prevent the big plays from piling up. We’ll need to hope and pray for more heroics from Jevon Holland to force a turnover or two, because I otherwise struggle to envision a world in which we don’t get dinked and dunked to death by this team.

On top of that, I’m desperately afraid we may serve as MCs for Jeremiah Love’s coming-out party. While the stats and usage probably leave something to be desired for all the fantasy footballers out there, this kid passes the eye test. Outside of the Rams mercifully bleeding out the clock, no team has consistently tried to run the football against us. Is that partially because you can easily pick on our corners? Sure. But if the Cards are able to generate explosive plays with Love early, I don’t see what stops them from going back to the well all afternoon.

While it’s easy to be pessimistic about the defense in its current state (see above), I’m looking forward to slowly being proved wrong as the year progresses. Let these young guys continue to struggle toward eventual improvement. Let our coaching staff demonstrate that they can make adjustments as the season progresses.

This is why I had no desire to send a second-rounder (and more) for a disgruntled Joey Porter Jr., who will inevitably bend us over the negotiating table all spring. I want to see how Reese matches up against Love. I want to see if Carter and Thibodeaux can step up in the absence of Brian Burns. And hey, if anyone can emerge from the DT or CB rooms as a long-term starter, that would be great, too.

On the offensive side of the ball, we desperately need to get the passing game going. We can’t rely on 30 consecutive 3-yard runs to score touchdowns, especially when we have a bad habit of tossing a negative play or penalty into the mix.

Jameis has left so much to be desired that we now have JJ McCarthy holding clipboards and painting his face on our sideline. But according to my trusted Twitter film guys (shoutout to Awthentik), this may be as much a Matt Nagy problem as anything else.

Can we have Malik Nabers run actual routes instead of these moronic manufactured touches that go nowhere? How have we gone this long without giving Malachi Fields a one-on-one or jump-ball opportunity? Our longest play from scrimmage this year was that broken 30-yard scramble drill to Skatt. We need to push the ball downfield as teams continue to stuff the box against our increasingly predictable run game.

If we’re able to generate big plays and win the turnover battle, we definitely have a good chance of winning this football game. While Arizona has slightly outperformed expectations, this isn’t exactly a juggernaut of an opponent.

Three weeks into the season, I’m not sure there are many juggernauts in the conference, and there are definitely none within our division. While I’m not trying to sell you on any sort of playoff run, going 1-0 this week gives us the opportunity to start getting a little delusional.

“Go 1-0 this week.”

I kinda like that. I should send the team some T-shirts or something.

Thanks for Keeping Us Loose, Boston!

WOOOOO! Nothing like the taste of warm coffee and dirty water (still don’t know what that means) the morning after sending your rivals packing. For the second night in a row, the New York Yankees completely dominated the Boston Red Sox, ending their October campaign on September 30th.

Without Roman Anthony (OUT – broken fingernail), Boston’s quadruple-A lineup didn’t stand a chance against Max Fried and his C+ stuff. I had quite the laugh upon realizing that the same Jahmai Jones who served exclusively as Stanton’s pinch runner during the 2024 season was now batting leadoff for the Sox in an elimination game. I half expected Tyler Wade to be batting cleanup, with Chase Headley waiting in the wings if we brought in a lefty.

I’m genuinely curious how many innings it would take this lineup to match the 18 runs we hung on them. I estimate it would be around 1,000 — give or take.

Speaking of old Yankees, shoutout to Sonny Gray — not only for pitching much better than I expected, but also for his touching tribute to Michael Pineda. Between the comically sideways cap and a borderline blackface amount of pine tar, I think he had Tracy convinced he was, in fact, Big Mike. So much so that the Boston skipper decided to yank his starter after 4.2 innings for the second night in a row.

Sox Twitter seems pretty pissed at Tracy, and I’m not totally sure why. Did he make a single good decision the entire (short) series? No. But after seeing what we did to Crochet and Whitlock, I’m not certain there were any good buttons to be pressed.

After the game, Sonny Gray said, “I would have liked to have been trusted in that moment,” but how can his manager truly believe the words of a man who has shied away from the big innings for the better part of a decade? The decision was clear and obvious — Tracy had no choice but to call upon his lefty specialist, Erik Miller, who struggled mightily against our lefties the night prior.

After an ill-advised Luis Rojas send killed the Yankee rally, it looked like Tracy’s gamble might pay off when Wilson Contreras ended Boston’s 26-inning playoff scoring drought with a solo shot to cut the lead to 2-1. Instead of building any sort of momentum for his own team, this jackass decided to literally walk around the bases, pissing off the Yankees while simultaneously making a total ass of himself.

Thankfully, his lackadaisical effort carried over to the field, as he decided to field a throw to first on the back-right corner of the bag, kickstarting the rally that would serve as the eventual nail in the Boston’s coffin.

That sixth inning was everything for me. Jones busting it out of the box on a strikeout and then stealing a pair of bags. Lombard drilling a single to right à la Jeter. Known speedster Trent Grisham bunting for a hit. A pair of sacrifice RBIs. And a vintage three-run porch job from Belli to put this team to bed.

I can’t speak any more fondly about what I’ve seen from the Yankee offense thus far. We’ve now seen both the righty and lefty renditions of the lineup, and both have sprayed the ball all over the park. Eighteen runs and 26 hits in 16 innings is nothing short of phenomenal. It finally feels like we’re scoring runs in a way that’s conducive to winning postseason games. There have been so few noncompetitive at-bats; everyone and their backup is up there grinding, and we’re still delivering the knockout-punch homers late.

I’m not naïve to the fact that the road ahead will be much more difficult, but having this sort of offensive momentum has me fully believing we have a shot at winning this thing.

Defeating Tampa will be no small task. Their manager doesn’t shelter an entire family of rocks between his ears, their lineup can actually score runs, and we’ll be forced to play baseball in that astroturfed hellhouse of theirs. While I don’t expect a walk in the park (not sure Tropicana fits that billing), I’m happy to be coming in red-hot rather than potentially over-rested.

So, thanks for keeping us loose, Boston! We hope to see you again in 2028! Enjoy Drake Maye’s unraveling and the impending Diana Russini tell-all interview!

Fuck Around and Find Out. Yanks in 2.

Despite the fact that you couldn’t have scripted a more perfect start to the postseason, I can’t say I’m surprised. In fact, I essentially leaked the game script yesterday. You could play this game 1,000 times, and it was always going to end with Cam Schlittler dominating this team. Last night just happened to be the 6.1 scoreless, 10-strikeout, 117-pitch variety, where you never felt for a second that Boston was going to break through.

While this may come across as a slight to Gerrit Cole and the aces of Yankees past, Cam just isn’t a guy you need to feign confidence in. He comes up big in these spots every single time. We are beyond lucky to have this lanky lunatic on our team. Having him pitch two games per series the rest of the way gives us a puncher’s chance against anyone.

Now how about that Yankee offense?

Despite things feeling tense with the game sitting at 1-0 heading into the fifth, you were getting great at-bats and contributions up and down the lineup. Austin Wells, a guy we all wanted replaced at the deadline—ironically by Adley Rutschman—comes up with the big RBI single early on. Anthony Volpe, who I hoped to never hear from again after the first day of the George Lombard experience, gets the hit to set the table earlier in that inning and is laying down sac bunts to help blow the game open.

And what else can you really say about Ben Rice?

Without Judge and Stanton for a majority of the year, the kid has carried this team from a power-hitting perspective and came up massive Tuesday night. A triple shy of the cycle in the bottom of the eighth, Benny Boy instead opted for the Grand Salami that officially put this one into complete laugher territory.

Ironically, the only guys who didn’t really join the party were the righties who played specifically to combat the left-handed starter. You’d be a rare breed of asshole to nitpick Boone on a night where he made 99% of the right calls—especially letting Cam go back out for the seventh—but this is definitely something to monitor as I’m unsure how much more “3-hole” Heliot Ramos I need these playoffs.

And just like that, we’re onto our old pal Sonny Gray.

Everyone knows the story by now. He was an abject failure in New York, the poster child for “the lights were too bright,” yet after exiling himself to Middle American Mediocrity Baseball for seven years, he emerges and suddenly wants to be a part of high-stakes innings again?

“I will say what did factor into my decision to come to Boston is it feels good to me to go to a place now where it’s easy to hate the Yankees.”

I know this pissed off some Yankee fans at the time, but honestly, all I can do is laugh at the poor guy. You can’t even be a little more demonstrative in your blatant pandering attempt?

It was always easy for you to hate us because that’s how your excuse-making, “why me?” brain works.

To anyone going to the game Wednesday: boo this man. He’ll push the bully/victim button regardless, so you might as well get under his paper-thin skin.

I’m glad the Red Sox “let you go out and be yourself.” I’m even more glad I get to witness you crap down your leg in an elimination game, in 4K nonetheless.

On the complete opposite side of the coin is Max Fried, who also came from a smaller market yet has lived up to the billing in his two seasons in New York. While Schlittler’s complete and utter dominance is a tough act to follow, I fully expect Max to mow down whatever is left of this anemic Red Sox lineup.

Even though Cam threw a ton more off-speed than we’re accustomed to, Fried still gives Boston a completely different look, mixing in three different breaking balls to go with a trio of fastballs. As long as he throws strikes, expect tons of soft contact and for him to go very deep into the game.

Boston will be feeling the pressure. You could argue Chad Tracy already was last night when he tried to steal outs with low-leverage bums after pulling Tolle in the fifth. Expect Whitlock and Chapman early, unless Tracy wants to continue saving them until next August, after the lockout ends.

Regardless of whatever kitchen sink is tossed our way, it is paramount that we close this team out tonight. We have much bigger fish to fry, and we need to be as healthy and rested as possible when we face a real challenge in Tampa.

Tonight it will be, and always has been:

Yanks in 2.

Fuck Boston, Cam Schlittler is on the Mound

Well, the day has finally come. The matchup we’ve long been anticipating, yet fully expected for months, has arrived. Tonight, the “Run It Back” Yankees hope to run back their 2025 Wild Card performance by once again eliminating the Boston Red Sox.

While the uniforms remain the same, the teams are both in drastically different places this time around. The Yankees are without their captain, yet have established a new identity centered around a dominant starting pitching staff. Locked into their playoff position, they’ve spent much of the past month working injured veterans back into their starting positions. Meanwhile, the Sox had bottomed out, ditched their longtime skipper, gone on one of the hottest hot streaks I’ve ever seen, and then returned to mediocre play over the final six weeks of the season.

Both sides have undoubtedly felt the extreme effects of the ups and downs that only a 162-game season can deliver. Both have faced their fair share of adversity and relied on major contributions from unsung heroes. And each fanbase should feel fully confident that their team’s A-game will result in the timely demise of their hated rival.

If you want to read more about Boston’s path to victory, maybe consult the nearest Bible or Quran, because there is not a chance in hell the Yankees lose to this rag-tag squad of losers.

As far as I’m concerned, the majority of the conversations focused on lefty/righty matchups, defensive replacements, and bullpen decisions are moot points. If the Yankees want to make any noise whatsoever this postseason, it is fully dependent on our starters shoving it up our opponents’ proverbial asses.

Looking at this Boston lineup, I fully expect all of our guys to go seven-plus, rack up Ks, and surrender one run or less. This, of course, all starts with the American League Cy Young winner: Cam Schlittler.

For those of you who may have forgotten one of the greatest closeout pitching performances in MLB history, what’d you get hit in the head? Cam walked onto the mound as a rookie, in a winner-take-all game, and went eight shutty with a 12-pack of strikeouts, sending his boyhood team packing to their syringe-covered beach of choice.

The city of Boston never fully recovered, as they have since spent the last 12 months writing fan fiction about him being some sort of Robot-Bully-Nazi. Then, the second my guy shoots off a joke reply on Twitter, you get little weirdos like Carrabis pushing narratives that Boston remains in his head.

That’s like Fireman Ed saying he makes Tom Brady nervous, only in Ed’s instance, he actually beat the Patriots once a decade. Schlittler has 39 Ks and a 0.56 ERA against Boston. That’s less than half the GPA of the dumbasses who choose to provoke the guy who has smoked them time and time again.

Payton Tolle seems like a good dude, but there are levels to this shit, and tonight, Schlittler adds yet another “Fuck Boston” performance to his resume.

Offensively, the Yankees lineup remains rough around the edges. It might get a little sweaty if they struggle to score early, given our historical struggles against the back of Boston’s pen—specifically, that actual scumbag, Aroldis Chapman.

Again, it’s not worth outlining who needs to get a big hit when, because we’re going to be platooning a number of positions and pinch-hitting in response to bullpen moves throughout this three-game set. Any reliance on guys who haven’t played in months (i.e., Stanton and Grisham) obviously doesn’t make you feel great, but we just need one or two guys to step up, and that should be all the run support we need to get out of tonight unscathed.

Despite the Judge story continuing to get more bizarre by the hour, he really should not be the concern over the next two days. While I’ve spent more time researching the effects of anti-gravity treadmills than I’d care to admit, we really don’t need to force another borderline-handicapped Kirk Gibson type into this lineup.

I’m confident Judge’s story still needs to be told and that he will be a contributor if this team ever does get over the hump. But that needs to remain a conversation for another day.

Tonight, the focus is Schlittler to Bednar to a 1-0 series lead and a closeout game against Sonny Gray. I know the Bronx will be rocking. I know Schlittler will deal. The only question that remains is which one of the Yankee bats hits that first bomb to kick off the festivities?

JJ McCarthy is a New York Giant. What the Fuck?

I guess that private workout on Easter Sunday made quite the impression on Joe Schoen. Of course, not enough to draft him fifth overall, but clearly enough to part ways with a fifth-round pick three drafts later.

As I was putting the finishing touches on my Titans recap, little did I know that Schoen and Harbs were working the phones trying to acquire the backup quarterback I was adamant we didn’t need. I knew the outcry to replace Winston was picking up steam, but hats off to all the internet trolls and unimaginative beat writers — you got your guy.

The good news is, we’ve seen plenty of successful restoration projects involving highly drafted quarterbacks over the past few years. The bad news is that these projects were primarily conducted by Kevin O’Connell — who apparently deemed the papier-mâché version of Carson Wentz more suitable to quarterback his team than JJ McCarthy.

However, McCarthy won a national championship primarily by handing the ball off and playing mistake-free football — thus making him a natural fit for our team. On the flip side, McCarthy has done nothing but lose and get injured throughout his career… thus making him a natural fit for our team.

Even though this wasn’t a move I wanted to make, I can’t bring myself to throw a complete tantrum over a fifth-round pick. Best-case scenario, he proves to be competent and we can flip him — or a cost-controlled Jameis — for a higher price this spring. Worst-case scenario, JJ flames out and we lose a pick Schoen would’ve airballed anyway.

While I can’t imagine he plays this week, if Winston delivers another dud against Arizona, the broccoli cuts will mobilize and demand that their guy sees the field sooner rather than later. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there is a world where our Week 5 matchup against Marcus Mariota and the Commanders becomes quite intriguing.

Well, At Least We’re Not the Titans (Week 3 Recap)

When wins are as uncommon as they are for the New York Giants, you learn to celebrate and appreciate each of them in their own uniquely disgusting way. After fighting desperately to fend off an offensively inept Tennessee Titans team, it’s safe to say that the season’s outlook is about as positive as New Jersey’s five-day forecast. With that being said, it still felt damn good to close out a game we’ve lost dozens of times over the past several seasons, with the chief architect of those collapses in attendance, no less.

Let’s start with the positives. It’s safe to say we’re a tier ahead of the complete embarrassments of the league. Being able to accumulate wins against the moronic teams is the easiest way to ensure you don’t become one. The expectation was that Harbaugh would bring in a general sense of competence that has been missing in East Rutherford for 3+ presidencies. Whatever he and Denard Wilson cooked up on defense completely stymied (potential bozo) Cam Ward for three quarters.

Sure, they ended up giving up three long drives in the second half, but they made the plays necessary to hold the Titans to just seven points. Even fully healthy, the defense was never going to be the strength of this team. We were always going to be reliant on time of possession and being opportunistic (i.e. sacks and turnovers) to prevent 30+ points from being put on the board. After two weeks in which the offense proved incapable of sustaining the long touchdown drives we mistakenly became accustomed to, it’s a positive sign that Jevon Holland and that unit have continued to make plays to keep us in games.

With that being said, we’re going to face 14 offenses that are much better than whatever the fuck “Tits McGee” cooked up on Sunday. The non-existent pass rush once again struggled mightily and is now going to be without Brian Burns for the remainder of 2026. It’s definitely going to be difficult to remain “Medium Pepsi” half-full when it comes to this side of the ball, so let’s just hope Arvell Reese strings together more awesome games and Colton Hood learns to swim after being prematurely chucked into the deep end.

I was so optimistic that the offense would look better after a week of developing and practicing a Jameis-centric game plan. I was very wrong.

While I liked the commitment to the run, watching Skat get hit at the line of scrimmage over and over again was a tough watch, to say the least. Aside from the drive where Najee Harris mutated into Derrick Henry, it felt like we were scratching and clawing for three yards per carry all afternoon. On the four occasions where this strategy actually moved the ball, Matt Nagy decided to have an aneurysm while making his red-zone play calls.

Jameis was, once again, horrible, and I’m not sure the weather can be blamed. I never thought I’d see the day when the man behind the NFL’s first and only 30 TD/30 INT season would neuter himself into such a pansy. There is nothing to be afraid of! You know how bad you’d have to play for us to turn to Jake Haener? My wife, who still doesn’t understand what “special teams” means, dropped a “This feels like Daniel Jones all over again” as Winston held the ball and ran into his third sack of the afternoon.

I remain confident that there are no real upgrades available or worth trading for in what is most likely a lost season (see defensive worries above). But if he continues to throw seven-yard four-seamers into the turf while refusing to get Nabers or Likely involved, the cries for Jimmy G and JJ McCarthy (edit: LOL) will only get louder.

I’ll close by giving the special teams their well-deserved flowers. Jordan Stout might be the greatest punter of all time. I’d give this dude a 10-year contract tomorrow. Him flipping the field repeatedly after our 3 and outs made all the difference in a game we literally won by seven yards.

Dominic Zvada also appears to be the long-term solution at kicker. It’s ironic that someone with his haircut has proven to be the remedy for our toxic kicking relationship, but the kid has an absolute boot and was completely unaffected by the porous MetLife conditions.

These are two seemingly minor improvements, but in a season where you lose your most important players on both sides of the ball three weeks in, it’s nice knowing that the other third of the game is seemingly in a good spot for years to come.

As pathetic as it sounds, these are the types of victories we’re going to have to learn to celebrate. We’re not going to win the Super Bowl and probably aren’t going to the playoffs, so we need to cherish these signs of competence and improvement that we were promised upon John Harbaugh’s arrival. Even if they are as minor as beating Bob Saleh, Brian Daboll, and the Tennessee Titans.

Dart’s Season is Over. Ours Isn’t.

Anyone who calls themselves a sports fan has experienced their fair share of agonizing defeats and borne witness to their favorite players suffering gruesome injuries. Despite my recent expertise in this field, Tuesday’s news that Jaxson Dart would undergo season-ending knee surgery hit me in a way I never could have anticipated.

Is this partially due to the fact that my imbecile of a GM assured me “he’s going to be okay” before parading him up and down the sideline like Weekend at Bernie’s? Sure. But this one stung particularly hard for a multitude of other reasons. I know it was only one week, but the victory over the Cowboys was the first actual indicator of true, sustainable success that this franchise has seen in over 15 years. Instead of being able to see this promising season through, we’re forced to spend the next 50 weeks debating whether or not that victory was a fluke, whether or not Dart is a franchise quarterback, whether or not we should draft his replacement, and whether or not John Harbaugh still has the coaching pedigree to weather this strong of a shitstorm.

This was supposed to be the year that made all of the suffering worth it. All the pieces were in place, the division was ripe for the taking, and instead of getting to experience the 18-week campaign to claim it, we got four fucking quarters.

As I sat on my bedroom floor, ignoring the slew of texts from friends and family and deleting all the social media apps from my phone, I, for the first time in my life, found myself contemplating, “Is this really worth it?” Why do I spend all of this time and energy hoping and praying for an outcome that very well may never come to fruition? Let’s save the $10.99 a month and cancel RedZone. Maybe spend my Sundays doing something productive. Perhaps finally take my wife pumpkin picking this fall.

But as Coach said Wednesday afternoon, “You feel like it’s the end of the world and then you wake up and the work’s not done. The world keeps spinning. The games keep getting played.”

Dart’s season might be over, but the team’s isn’t. We still have 15 games to play, and I intend on thoroughly enjoying the product we put on that field. I want to witness our young defensive pieces develop into franchise cornerstones. I want to see John Harbaugh close out games that we lead in the fourth quarter. I can’t wait to see Jameis sling the damn rock after we build a game plan that suits his skill set.

All of this starts when the ball gets kicked off Sunday against a pathetic Tennessee Titans team. I refuse to believe that game ends with Daboll and Saleh chest-bumping on the sideline. Those two putzes caused more than their fair share of pain and suffering around these parts. It’s time for this team to return the favor and punish them.

I’m not naïve to the fact that the ceiling of this season has been lowered, but listening to Jameis speak this week has me fully confident that we’ll be able to pummel any opponent of this quality. He wasn’t his typical goofy self; he understood the gravity of the situation. He not only understands that this will likely be his final opportunity to lead a team throughout the entirety of a season, but he fully grasps the fact that this fanbase needs to be picked up off the mat.

On a rainy Sunday in the Meadowlands, this team will have us believing once more.

I guarantee it.

Why Does God Hate ME? (Giants/Rams Recap)

After suffering through an offseason where every dickhead with a microphone couldn’t mention my quarterback without uttering the words “blue tent” or “if he can stay healthy,” I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it a little humorous that just about every other young quarterback went down as my guy ascended to the tier of the elite. However, I deliberately refrained from any sort of grave dancing, in hopes that my non-participation in the Caleb Williams meme trend would generate some sort of karmic force that would protect my sweet baby boy all season long.

Unfortunately, my noble sacrifice was all for naught, as Dart would soon be sandwiched into a mid-air Michael Jackson move just seven plays into Monday night’s contest against the Rams.

We should’ve known better. Anyone who’s ever had the pleasure of experiencing an eight-day bender knows damn well that the other shoe will inevitably drop. As Giants fans, we rode the incredible high of one of the biggest wins of the decade, only to be hit with the euphoric comedown of yet another primetime embarrassment.

As I sat there contemplating the method by which I would burn our house to the ground, we slowly received positive bits of information from the ESPN broadcast. He walked off under his own power (still not making Caleb jokes — credit to me), wasn’t immediately taken to the X-ray room, and even appeared on the sideline in swaggy street clothes for much of the second half. Compared to the horrible thoughts we were all having, everything was going to be fine. Relatively speaking.

What was not fine was the performance that followed. Between the turnovers, dropped passes, and their fatso kicker shanking a field goal at the buzzer, the Rams gave the Giants ample opportunity not only to recover from the shock of Dart’s injury, but to remain in the game throughout the first half. But much like the dyslexic kid in your English class, the Giants never came close to capitalizing.

Jameis Winston was the darling of the offseason, somehow transforming his image from doofy bust to the Mr. Rogers of backup quarterbacks. So much so that the FIFA World Cup correspondent earned an extension that would keep him as the team’s QB insurance policy and comedic relief through the 2028 season. Winston’s relief appearance was so horrible that this unanimously praised move has now been added to Schoen’s ever-growing rolodex of questionable contract offers.

Where was that dominant rushing attack from Week 1? Was Dart’s cadence/threat to run the only thing propping up this house of cards that is a Matt Nagy offense?

When does this “elite” pass rush plan on pressuring the quarterback? Our corners were obviously outmatched. No one was expecting Colton Hood to put the straps on Davante in his first career start. So how about any one of the guys picked 15 minutes into the draft getting a hand on Stafford?

Most importantly, why does Harbaugh have a thousand-yard stare while our injured starters remain in an unwinnable game, only to get more injured? The fact that there was no room in the blue tent for Brian Burns because Andrew Thomas was already in there with four minutes left, down 28-6, is some sort of sick, Daboll-esque joke.

As embarrassing and familiar as that sequence of bullshit was, this doesn’t have to be the end of a season that was so promising (for eight whole days). This is why you brought in a John Harbaugh. Right the ship and win some ball games against some weaker, shittier-coached teams.

Hopefully, we’ve learned our lesson about sniffing our own farts a bit too hard after one week. I still believe in this team and know that the visibly rattled version of the Giants will be nowhere to be found come Sunday. Then, our hero Jaxson Dart will return on his white horse and lead the team back to the promised land.

UPDATE: I want to die. I hate everything. Sports suck.

NFL Sponsors Are Furious that the Giants forgot to Stop for Commercials

While a large majority of Americans thoroughly enjoyed the whooping my New York Giants laid on the paltry Dallas Cowboys, some of the nation’s elite took great exception to the beatdown—and I’m not talking about Jerry Jones and the rest of his reptile family.

Many of the NFL’s biggest sponsors are outraged by the lack of commercial breaks that came as a result of Big Blue’s series of eight-minute, face-fucking touchdown drives. Stretches of primetime games that typically involve a litany of punts, injury stoppages, booth reviews, and, therefore, ad breaks were replaced by the purest brand of smash-mouth football this town has seen in decades.

As a result, advertisers have filed a formal complaint with the commissioner’s office to flex the Giants out of their Monday Night contest with the Rams. Busted Playbook correspondents were able to obtain an excerpt of said letter:

“The long-sustained drives performed by the Giants offense cannot continue to occur during our nationally televised games. The physical run game, outstanding third-down conversion rate, and general dominance of time of possession prevented our largest audience of the weekend from being subjected to our redundant advertisements. Our Odell Beckham Jr. prop boost wasn’t shown once during the game, which prevented an estimated 10,000 16-year-olds from wagering their parents’ mortgage payments on a washed-up star who was sure to garner zero targets.”

The sponsors aren’t the only ones concerned. Al Michaels and his feeble prostate are extremely worried that the lack of commercial breaks will end up with the Hall of Fame broadcaster dribbling down his trousers when Big Blue plays on Thursday Night Football later this year.

As of now, it is unknown if Roger Goodell will take any official action. But many are speculating that he has already instructed officials to throw even more flags and botch more calls in an effort to slow game flow.

While it doesn’t appear that the Giants will be flexed out of the Monday Night Football slot, this situation remains something worth monitoring as the season progresses.

Love Island USA Season 8 Power Rankings: Week 2 - RUN KC, RUN!

As fate would have it, the first iteration  of “Love Island Power Rankings” has become one of the biggest hits on the site.  As a result, the lines between “Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch” and “Shit I Need to Write About to Keep the Blog Afloat” have become extremely blurred.

Thankfully, a controversial recoupling prompted by a controversial American Vote (we seem to have a knack for this) leave me with plenty of discussion points for this week’s rankings.  Without further ado, let’s see where each Islander stands after Week 2.

Girls:

1. Trinity (Last Week 3)

   • Hands down the realest, funniest girl we’ve got.  Her sense of humor and style are equally bizarre, but what’s crazier than any dueling polka-dot fit is the fact that she is still giving Bryce the time of day.  I don’t know how/why she didn’t drown that twink in the pool when he tried to ditch her for his best friend’s girl.  I’m praying for a good bombshell or two to get her back in the game. 

2. Sol (Last Week N/A)

   • At first, I thought she was being a bit of a pissy pants about all of the pies.  But hearing her talk about the cliquiness of the OG’s and how she’s being painted as a homewrecker for talking to the one guy who gave her any attention was pretty sad.  She’s way cooler and spicier than the two sirens who are sucking the life out of their respective men.  Keep being a baddie, Sincere or (ideally) KC will come calling eventually.

3. Kayda (Last Week 5)

   • I was probably too harsh on her in the Week 1 Rankings.  She had every right to call Zach on his bullshit hesitations about sleeping with her.

4. Kenzie (Last Week 4)

   • This chick and her double standards are starting to irk me.  I’m not a Corbin guy, but him doing his lame-o “May I have a kiss madam?” routine (that he does on literally everyone!) is less than, or equal to you having a whole-ass relationship with Caleb.  She then scolded Melanie for rejecting said kiss while giving the reddest “green flag” in history.  You can’t call dibs on half the dudes in this place while we have Melanie running around ready to start setting people on fire.  The sporadic split routines are cool though.

5. Jen (Last Week N/A)

   • Aside from an insanely poor attempt at faking sadness about Bea getting booted, we don’t have much tape on Jen as of yet.  Gabe seems to like her, but Gabe also seems to like anyone with 2 eyes, a nose, and at least 1 leg.  So we’ll see where this goes.

6. Melanie (Last Week 6)

   • I’d say her personality changes like the weather, but it’s consistently sunny in Fiji.  I’d liken her mood to a 20-sided die or the value of the cryptocurrency your neighbor Jeff has been trying to sell you.  As exhausting as the daily Hot/Cold routine is, it is damn good for TV.  I just hope next time no one stops her from charging up those stairs and catching that lying turd Sincere in the act.

7. Aniya (Last Week 2)

   • This horrible, gaslighting, she-devil is the biggest faller in this week’s rankings.  Really?  You’re surprised that people think you’re stopping KC from exploring?  Maybe go a single day without manipulating the absolute fuck out of the guy and you can ditch that reputation.  He’s had to apologize every episode this week for making three jokes and smiling twice.  I should’ve known better when she was enabling Melanie’s nonsense last week.  She takes the bottom spot from her bestie simply because she’s doing the same shit to a guy that doesn’t deserve it.

8. Bea (RIP) (Last Week 1)

   • My girl was absolutely brutalized by America’s vote.  She literally just overcame her first obstacle with Gabriel, only to be canned by some Survivor 50-ass twist.  Her “If he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me” approach was so endearing and unfortunately I think the producers realized that this mature, sensible mindset isn’t great for television.  In the end, she might have just been too good for this show.   

Boys:

1. KC (Last Week 1)

   • While he remains in the top spot, KC needs to learn to stand up for himself before my patience starts to run thin.  You are not a bad person for dating women on the dating show.  Aniya is twisting your words and weaponizing her own insecurities to make you feel like the bad guy.  I was screaming at my TV to start smooching with Sol right in her face.  Please start talking to Sol and/or Trinity ASAP.

2. Zach (Last Week 2)

   • Poor Zach thought he was just gonna coast on by, talking about tea, crumpets, and One Direction – all while not sexually committing to his partner?  The producers had other plans and our guy is probably getting his butt tickled with a feather in that sex dungeon as we speak.  Hopefully that plot line gets a bit more interesting.

3. Gabe (Last Week 3)

   • Man, I really thought he and Bea were going to make it.  Seeing her break down and say how Gabe made her “feel normal” was such a genuine moment that I’ve spent all subsequent episodes being irrationally angry at Gabe for moving on so quickly.  I get it, he’s a flirty dude and expecting him to walk out in solidarity was never going to happen.  But at least get in a more convincing couple than this.

4. Caleb (Last Week N/A)

   • Do something dude.  Kenzie is just about gone.  It’s time to get back on your horse cowboy.

5. Bryce (Last Week 5)

   • This guy broke the unsacred “bro code” only to instantly be laughed at/rejected by Kayda and his aforementioned bro.  Somehow, this wasn’t the final nail in his 5’8” coffin and Trinity remains somewhat interested. 

6. Sincere (Last Week 4)

   • I get that Melanie can be terrifying, but lying to her face is not the way to avoid a blow up that is all but inevitable at this point.  She will never quit you unless you make it explicitly clear, and even then you probably have to be explicitly clear 3-30 more times.  At this point, he is just as much of a problem as she is and expecting America’s vote to bail him out of this mess is both unfair and….insincere.

7. Corbin (Last Week 6)

   • I guess this is what the “Where’s my Hug?” guy looks like in South Florida.  This guy is so corny and so unlikable.  He and Melanie are honestly perfect for each other and I hope it works out.  That is, unless he’s able to finger blast his way to the promised land with Kenzie. 

If you enjoyed this week's rankings and want to follow along during the episodes, give me a follow on Twitter/X. And if you'd like these recaps delivered directly to your inbox, be sure to subscribe to the blog. We'll be back next week with another round of completely objective and definitely-not-emotionally-driven rankings.

Is this the Best Soccer Team Ever Assembled?

To be perfectly frank, I had every intention of taking the cynical prick approach to covering this World Cup, and more specifically, the US National Team. After watching a half-dozen iterations of this team fall flat on their faces, its natural for us as a nation to put our guard up and take the “I don’t give a shit about soccer” approach. And let’s be honest, this defense mechanism has served as better fortification than the washed up MLS Center Backs we’ve trotted out year after year.

But given our fortunate group draw and the fact we’re entering year 7 of the “golden generation”, I genuinely believed this team was capable of making a run. Of course, by “run” i meant eking out enough 1-0 victories and flukey draws to squeak out of the group stage, ultimately getting dominated in the knockout round by the first legitimate team we run into. A USMNT tradition like no other.

When I learned that Paraguay was some sort of defensive stalwart that locked down the likes of Argentina and Brazil in qualifying, I think it was fair to expect “the under” in an uninspiring, dull, 90-minute affair. As it turns out, this crazy, Argentine, Russell Crowe in Crocodile Hunter garb had other plans.

From the opening whistle, it was evidently clear that this was not your grandpa’s Men’s National Team. The run and gun offense on display was something straight out of a FIFA game played against said grandpa. The US team generated chance after chance, and before you knew it, they had equaled their goal total from last World Cup in a single half.

Nearly the entire first 45 minutes were played exclusively on the Paraguayan side of the field as the Americans drove up the sidelines at will. The same passes I’ve watched ricochet 10 yards off some bum’s shinguard were perfectly received. The usual attempts to break down defenders one on one ended in complete embarrassment, this time for our opponents.

Balogun’s second and Reyna’s exclamation point were two of the best finishes I’ve ever seen from American born players. The fact that we don’t have to rely on garbage goals, set pieces, and pure luck feels like such a game changer. On top of that, they can apparently use video review to combat the flopping nonsense that has plagued us for years? Are we going to fuck around and win this whole damn thing?

I’m obviously getting way ahead of my skis here but how can you not be inspired by the dominance we witnessed last night? This tournament only comes around every four years and who knows the next time we’ll have this crop of talent led by a seemingly competent manager. So why not get swept up in this team and choose to believe?

So with that, I’m hereby declaring independence from the “I’d rather find $20 on the ground than win the World Cup” crowd and buying the fuck in on this team. I’ve completed my own “Mistaken Identity” review of US Soccer and see now that we can hang 4 goals on anyone, at any time.

So take your much needed “Hydration Break” and use these next 6 days to retool and refuel. Because while I don’t know much about soccer, I know Friday is going to be a day to be an Australian…or a US Commemorative Michelob Ultra bottle.