Welcome to Hell, JJ (Giants vs Texans Preview)

Whether we like it or not, the JJ McCarthy Era is officially upon us. Harbaugh announced earlier this week that the broccoli-haired (former?) bust will lead Big Blue against the Houston Texans this Sunday. Will 9x2 deliver an encore that makes America’s Zoomer population proud? Or will this reformation project go up in mango-guava vape smoke?

The major talking points surrounding the QB change primarily revolve around whether JJ’s mobility will open things up for our abysmal run game. Aside from the fact that JJ has already bungled a majority of the ultra-telegraphed read-option plays, the Texans 3rd ranked run defense makes me less than optimistic that this is the week we get the ground game back on track.

That means that you can probably expect more of the same fuck it/chuck it from McCarthy and the offense.  Obviously, this yielded some pretty positive results against the Saints, but I remain concerned that a better defense will capitalize on some of the unpunished mistakes that were made amidst the valiant comeback attempt.

With that being said, the Texans pass defense has drastically underperformed this year.  They’re allowing 246 yards per game (26th in the league) and that includes contests against Cam Ward and Gardner Minshew.  Houston’s inability to stop big plays through the air was a major reason they got off to the surprising 0-4 start that they did.

For a minute there, I was starting to convince myself that McCarthy, Nabers, and Likely would light up the Texans on the road.  Then I closed my eyes and imagined Will Anderson bull rushing Marcus Mbow and soiled myself.

With Andrew Thomas’s status in serious doubt, this unfortunate daydream may become a harsh reality.  I don’t care how much better McCarthy is at moving within the pocket – Anderson, Hunter, Rankins, and even Jadeveon Clowney will most likely spend a large portion of their respective afternoons in our backfield, reeking absolute havoc.

For those wondering how McCarthy will fair in a non-desperation mode scenario, they might have to wait until after the bye.  From the outside looking in, it seems like the Texans defense will be able to exploit our growing number of weaknesses and this will be far from a smooth transition for JJ and company.

The Giants’ only real chance to stay in this game starts and ends with a major bounce back performance from the defense.  The good news is that the Texans are yet another opponent who lacks a talented RB and typically shies away from the run.  That of course, didn’t stop Kendre Miller and Alvin Kamara from carving us like pumpkins but it remains something worth noting.

Dennard Wilson’s formula to stopping these sorts of offenses has been blitzing the life out of them whenever he even sniffs a passing down.  Unfortunately, CJ Stroud has seemingly returned to form and currently boasts the 2nd highest QBR vs. the blitz in the league.

Houston also adds Tank Dell and a now-fully acclimated/motivated Marvin Harrison Jr. to an already strong air attack.  This, paired with the fact that our entire secondary is concussed is obviously cause for concern.  The reality that we will be fully reliant on Paulson Adebo coming off the IR to slow down Nico Collins is fucking horrifying.

Unfortunately, the more I look at this game, the less faith I have in the Giants pulling off one of the biggest upsets of the season.  Aside from “Any Given Sunday” and “Maybe their whole team gets food poisoning” – I’m struggling to rationalize a clear path to victory.

But that’s why they play the games, right?  RIGHT?

With that being said, I’m still excited to see what McCarthy can do in a game he has no business winning.  He’s got nothing to lose, other than the game itself along with any chance of starting an NFL game ever again. 

So go get ‘em kid! We have (no choice but to) have faith in you!