Love Island USA Season 8 Power Rankings: Week 2 - RUN KC, RUN!
As fate would have it, the first iteration of “Love Island Power Rankings” has become one of the biggest hits on the site. As a result, the lines between “Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch” and “Shit I Need to Write About to Keep the Blog Afloat” have become extremely blurred.
Thankfully, a controversial recoupling prompted by a controversial American Vote (we seem to have a knack for this) leave me with plenty of discussion points for this week’s rankings. Without further ado, let’s see where each Islander stands after Week 2.
Girls:
Trinity (Last Week 3)
Hands down the realest, funniest girl we’ve got. Her sense of humor and style are equally bizarre, but what’s crazier than any dueling polka-dot fit is the fact that she is still giving Bryce the time of day. I don’t know how/why she didn’t drown that twink in the pool when he tried to ditch her for his best friend’s girl. I’m praying for a good bombshell or two to get her back in the game.
Sol (Last Week N/A)
At first, I thought she was being a bit of a pissy pants about all of the pies. But hearing her talk about the cliquiness of the OG’s and how she’s being painted as a homewrecker for talking to the one guy who gave her any attention was pretty sad. She’s way cooler and spicier than the two sirens who are sucking the life out of their respective men. Keep being a baddie, Sincere or (ideally) KC will come calling eventually.
Kayda (Last Week 5)
I was probably too harsh on her in the Week 1 Rankings. She had every right to call Zach on his bullshit hesitations about sleeping with her.
Kenzie (Last Week 4)
This chick and her double standards are starting to irk me. I’m not a Corbin guy, but him doing his lame-o “May I have a kiss madam?” routine (that he does on literally everyone!) is less than, or equal to you having a whole-ass relationship with Caleb. She then scolded Melanie for rejecting said kiss while giving the reddest “green flag” in history. You can’t call dibs on half the dudes in this place while we have Melanie running around ready to start setting people on fire. The sporadic split routines are cool though.
Jen (Last Week N/A)
Aside from an insanely poor attempt at faking sadness about Bea getting booted, we don’t have much tape on Jen as of yet. Gabe seems to like her, but Gabe also seems to like anyone with 2 eyes, a nose, and at least 1 leg. So we’ll see where this goes.
Melanie (Last Week 6)
I’d say her personality changes like the weather, but it’s consistently sunny in Fiji. I’d liken her mood to a 20-sided die or the value of the cryptocurrency your neighbor Jeff has been trying to sell you. As exhausting as the daily Hot/Cold routine is, it is damn good for TV. I just hope next time no one stops her from charging up those stairs and catching that lying turd Sincere in the act.
Aniya (Last Week 2)
This horrible, gaslighting, she-devil is the biggest faller in this week’s rankings. Really? You’re surprised that people think you’re stopping KC from exploring? Maybe go a single day without manipulating the absolute fuck out of the guy and you can ditch that reputation. He’s had to apologize every episode this week for making three jokes and smiling twice. I should’ve known better when she was enabling Melanie’s nonsense last week. She takes the bottom spot from her bestie simply because she’s doing the same shit to a guy that doesn’t deserve it.
Bea (RIP) (Last Week 1)
My girl was absolutely brutalized by America’s vote. She literally just overcame her first obstacle with Gabriel, only to be canned by some Survivor 50-ass twist. Her “If he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me” approach was so endearing and unfortunately I think the producers realized that this mature, sensible mindset isn’t great for television. In the end, she might have just been too good for this show.
Boys:
KC (Last Week 1)
While he remains in the top spot, KC needs to learn to stand up for himself before my patience starts to run thin. You are not a bad person for dating women on the dating show. Aniya is twisting your words and weaponizing her own insecurities to make you feel like the bad guy. I was screaming at my TV to start smooching with Sol right in her face. Please start talking to Sol and/or Trinity ASAP.
Zach (Last Week 2)
Poor Zach thought he was just gonna coast on by, talking about tea, crumpets, and One Direction – all while not sexually committing to his partner? The producers had other plans and our guy is probably getting his butt tickled with a feather in that sex dungeon as we speak. Hopefully that plot line gets a bit more interesting.
Gabe (Last Week 3)
Man, I really thought he and Bea were going to make it. Seeing her break down and say how Gabe made her “feel normal” was such a genuine moment that I’ve spent all subsequent episodes being irrationally angry at Gabe for moving on so quickly. I get it, he’s a flirty dude and expecting him to walk out in solidarity was never going to happen. But at least get in a more convincing couple than this.
Caleb (Last Week N/A)
Do something dude. Kenzie is just about gone. It’s time to get back on your horse cowboy.
Bryce (Last Week 5)
This guy broke the unsacred “bro code” only to instantly be laughed at/rejected by Kayda and his aforementioned bro. Somehow, this wasn’t the final nail in his 5’8” coffin and Trinity remains somewhat interested.
Sincere (Last Week 4)
I get that Melanie can be terrifying, but lying to her face is not the way to avoid a blow up that is all but inevitable at this point. She will never quit you unless you make it explicitly clear, and even then you probably have to be explicitly clear 3-30 more times. At this point, he is just as much of a problem as she is and expecting America’s vote to bail him out of this mess is both unfair and….insincere.
Corbin (Last Week 6)
I guess this is what the “Where’s my Hug?” guy looks like in South Florida. This guy is so corny and so unlikable. He and Melanie are honestly perfect for each other and I hope it works out. That is, unless he’s able to finger blast his way to the promised land with Kenzie.
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