The Road to 1-0 Starts Here (Giants vs. Cardinals Preview)

It’s never a dull week on 1925 Giants Drive. While we seemingly had every opportunity to serve as background noise to this NFL season, the Giants instead opted to create a quarterback controversy, unceremoniously cut the most polarizing player in team history, and potentially lose the Joey Porter Jr. bidding war to the Dallas Cowboys. Needless to say, the fanbase is feeling some feelings heading into what many expected to be one of the least consequential games on the schedule.

Five months ago, any Giants fan who tuned into the 2026 NFL Schedule Release presented by DraftKings™ had this game penciled in as a win. I don’t need to outline the circumstances that have since changed, but needless to say, this one now feels pretty damn scary.

The NFL screenwriters have been trying to write Jacoby Brissett off for the better part of a decade, yet every time he’s a bad week away from hosting a podcast, he puts together some 5-touchdown, 400-yard game during the waning moments of RedZone that captures the hearts of the nation. Brissett’s ill-advised holdout attempt somehow earned him an incentive-based pay raise for the 2026 season. You can bet both ass cheeks that he sees this depleted secondary and underwhelming pass rush as a major opportunity to inch closer toward an eventual payday.

Michael Wilson and Trey McBride are going to be massive problems all afternoon. Expect the ball to come out quickly, with our corners diving at ankles or committing DPIs to prevent the big plays from piling up. We’ll need to hope and pray for more heroics from Jevon Holland to force a turnover or two, because I otherwise struggle to envision a world in which we don’t get dinked and dunked to death by this team.

On top of that, I’m desperately afraid we may serve as MCs for Jeremiah Love’s coming-out party. While the stats and usage probably leave something to be desired for all the fantasy footballers out there, this kid passes the eye test. Outside of the Rams mercifully bleeding out the clock, no team has consistently tried to run the football against us. Is that partially because you can easily pick on our corners? Sure. But if the Cards are able to generate explosive plays with Love early, I don’t see what stops them from going back to the well all afternoon.

While it’s easy to be pessimistic about the defense in its current state (see above), I’m looking forward to slowly being proved wrong as the year progresses. Let these young guys continue to struggle toward eventual improvement. Let our coaching staff demonstrate that they can make adjustments as the season progresses.

This is why I had no desire to send a second-rounder (and more) for a disgruntled Joey Porter Jr., who will inevitably bend us over the negotiating table all spring. I want to see how Reese matches up against Love. I want to see if Carter and Thibodeaux can step up in the absence of Brian Burns. And hey, if anyone can emerge from the DT or CB rooms as a long-term starter, that would be great, too.

On the offensive side of the ball, we desperately need to get the passing game going. We can’t rely on 30 consecutive 3-yard runs to score touchdowns, especially when we have a bad habit of tossing a negative play or penalty into the mix.

Jameis has left so much to be desired that we now have JJ McCarthy holding clipboards and painting his face on our sideline. But according to my trusted Twitter film guys (shoutout to Awthentik), this may be as much a Matt Nagy problem as anything else.

Can we have Malik Nabers run actual routes instead of these moronic manufactured touches that go nowhere? How have we gone this long without giving Malachi Fields a one-on-one or jump-ball opportunity? Our longest play from scrimmage this year was that broken 30-yard scramble drill to Skatt. We need to push the ball downfield as teams continue to stuff the box against our increasingly predictable run game.

If we’re able to generate big plays and win the turnover battle, we definitely have a good chance of winning this football game. While Arizona has slightly outperformed expectations, this isn’t exactly a juggernaut of an opponent.

Three weeks into the season, I’m not sure there are many juggernauts in the conference, and there are definitely none within our division. While I’m not trying to sell you on any sort of playoff run, going 1-0 this week gives us the opportunity to start getting a little delusional.

“Go 1-0 this week.”

I kinda like that. I should send the team some T-shirts or something.

JJ McCarthy is a New York Giant. What the Fuck?

I guess that private workout on Easter Sunday made quite the impression on Joe Schoen. Of course, not enough to draft him fifth overall, but clearly enough to part ways with a fifth-round pick three drafts later.

As I was putting the finishing touches on my Titans recap, little did I know that Schoen and Harbs were working the phones trying to acquire the backup quarterback I was adamant we didn’t need. I knew the outcry to replace Winston was picking up steam, but hats off to all the internet trolls and unimaginative beat writers — you got your guy.

The good news is, we’ve seen plenty of successful restoration projects involving highly drafted quarterbacks over the past few years. The bad news is that these projects were primarily conducted by Kevin O’Connell — who apparently deemed the papier-mâché version of Carson Wentz more suitable to quarterback his team than JJ McCarthy.

However, McCarthy won a national championship primarily by handing the ball off and playing mistake-free football — thus making him a natural fit for our team. On the flip side, McCarthy has done nothing but lose and get injured throughout his career… thus making him a natural fit for our team.

Even though this wasn’t a move I wanted to make, I can’t bring myself to throw a complete tantrum over a fifth-round pick. Best-case scenario, he proves to be competent and we can flip him — or a cost-controlled Jameis — for a higher price this spring. Worst-case scenario, JJ flames out and we lose a pick Schoen would’ve airballed anyway.

While I can’t imagine he plays this week, if Winston delivers another dud against Arizona, the broccoli cuts will mobilize and demand that their guy sees the field sooner rather than later. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but there is a world where our Week 5 matchup against Marcus Mariota and the Commanders becomes quite intriguing.

Well, At Least We’re Not the Titans (Week 3 Recap)

When wins are as uncommon as they are for the New York Giants, you learn to celebrate and appreciate each of them in their own uniquely disgusting way. After fighting desperately to fend off an offensively inept Tennessee Titans team, it’s safe to say that the season’s outlook is about as positive as New Jersey’s five-day forecast. With that being said, it still felt damn good to close out a game we’ve lost dozens of times over the past several seasons, with the chief architect of those collapses in attendance, no less.

Let’s start with the positives. It’s safe to say we’re a tier ahead of the complete embarrassments of the league. Being able to accumulate wins against the moronic teams is the easiest way to ensure you don’t become one. The expectation was that Harbaugh would bring in a general sense of competence that has been missing in East Rutherford for 3+ presidencies. Whatever he and Denard Wilson cooked up on defense completely stymied (potential bozo) Cam Ward for three quarters.

Sure, they ended up giving up three long drives in the second half, but they made the plays necessary to hold the Titans to just seven points. Even fully healthy, the defense was never going to be the strength of this team. We were always going to be reliant on time of possession and being opportunistic (i.e. sacks and turnovers) to prevent 30+ points from being put on the board. After two weeks in which the offense proved incapable of sustaining the long touchdown drives we mistakenly became accustomed to, it’s a positive sign that Jevon Holland and that unit have continued to make plays to keep us in games.

With that being said, we’re going to face 14 offenses that are much better than whatever the fuck “Tits McGee” cooked up on Sunday. The non-existent pass rush once again struggled mightily and is now going to be without Brian Burns for the remainder of 2026. It’s definitely going to be difficult to remain “Medium Pepsi” half-full when it comes to this side of the ball, so let’s just hope Arvell Reese strings together more awesome games and Colton Hood learns to swim after being prematurely chucked into the deep end.

I was so optimistic that the offense would look better after a week of developing and practicing a Jameis-centric game plan. I was very wrong.

While I liked the commitment to the run, watching Skat get hit at the line of scrimmage over and over again was a tough watch, to say the least. Aside from the drive where Najee Harris mutated into Derrick Henry, it felt like we were scratching and clawing for three yards per carry all afternoon. On the four occasions where this strategy actually moved the ball, Matt Nagy decided to have an aneurysm while making his red-zone play calls.

Jameis was, once again, horrible, and I’m not sure the weather can be blamed. I never thought I’d see the day when the man behind the NFL’s first and only 30 TD/30 INT season would neuter himself into such a pansy. There is nothing to be afraid of! You know how bad you’d have to play for us to turn to Jake Haener? My wife, who still doesn’t understand what “special teams” means, dropped a “This feels like Daniel Jones all over again” as Winston held the ball and ran into his third sack of the afternoon.

I remain confident that there are no real upgrades available or worth trading for in what is most likely a lost season (see defensive worries above). But if he continues to throw seven-yard four-seamers into the turf while refusing to get Nabers or Likely involved, the cries for Jimmy G and JJ McCarthy (edit: LOL) will only get louder.

I’ll close by giving the special teams their well-deserved flowers. Jordan Stout might be the greatest punter of all time. I’d give this dude a 10-year contract tomorrow. Him flipping the field repeatedly after our 3 and outs made all the difference in a game we literally won by seven yards.

Dominic Zvada also appears to be the long-term solution at kicker. It’s ironic that someone with his haircut has proven to be the remedy for our toxic kicking relationship, but the kid has an absolute boot and was completely unaffected by the porous MetLife conditions.

These are two seemingly minor improvements, but in a season where you lose your most important players on both sides of the ball three weeks in, it’s nice knowing that the other third of the game is seemingly in a good spot for years to come.

As pathetic as it sounds, these are the types of victories we’re going to have to learn to celebrate. We’re not going to win the Super Bowl and probably aren’t going to the playoffs, so we need to cherish these signs of competence and improvement that we were promised upon John Harbaugh’s arrival. Even if they are as minor as beating Bob Saleh, Brian Daboll, and the Tennessee Titans.

Why Does God Hate ME? (Giants/Rams Recap)

After suffering through an offseason where every dickhead with a microphone couldn’t mention my quarterback without uttering the words “blue tent” or “if he can stay healthy,” I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it a little humorous that just about every other young quarterback went down as my guy ascended to the tier of the elite. However, I deliberately refrained from any sort of grave dancing, in hopes that my non-participation in the Caleb Williams meme trend would generate some sort of karmic force that would protect my sweet baby boy all season long.

Unfortunately, my noble sacrifice was all for naught, as Dart would soon be sandwiched into a mid-air Michael Jackson move just seven plays into Monday night’s contest against the Rams.

We should’ve known better. Anyone who’s ever had the pleasure of experiencing an eight-day bender knows damn well that the other shoe will inevitably drop. As Giants fans, we rode the incredible high of one of the biggest wins of the decade, only to be hit with the euphoric comedown of yet another primetime embarrassment.

As I sat there contemplating the method by which I would burn our house to the ground, we slowly received positive bits of information from the ESPN broadcast. He walked off under his own power (still not making Caleb jokes — credit to me), wasn’t immediately taken to the X-ray room, and even appeared on the sideline in swaggy street clothes for much of the second half. Compared to the horrible thoughts we were all having, everything was going to be fine. Relatively speaking.

What was not fine was the performance that followed. Between the turnovers, dropped passes, and their fatso kicker shanking a field goal at the buzzer, the Rams gave the Giants ample opportunity not only to recover from the shock of Dart’s injury, but to remain in the game throughout the first half. But much like the dyslexic kid in your English class, the Giants never came close to capitalizing.

Jameis Winston was the darling of the offseason, somehow transforming his image from doofy bust to the Mr. Rogers of backup quarterbacks. So much so that the FIFA World Cup correspondent earned an extension that would keep him as the team’s QB insurance policy and comedic relief through the 2028 season. Winston’s relief appearance was so horrible that this unanimously praised move has now been added to Schoen’s ever-growing rolodex of questionable contract offers.

Where was that dominant rushing attack from Week 1? Was Dart’s cadence/threat to run the only thing propping up this house of cards that is a Matt Nagy offense?

When does this “elite” pass rush plan on pressuring the quarterback? Our corners were obviously outmatched. No one was expecting Colton Hood to put the straps on Davante in his first career start. So how about any one of the guys picked 15 minutes into the draft getting a hand on Stafford?

Most importantly, why does Harbaugh have a thousand-yard stare while our injured starters remain in an unwinnable game, only to get more injured? The fact that there was no room in the blue tent for Brian Burns because Andrew Thomas was already in there with four minutes left, down 28-6, is some sort of sick, Daboll-esque joke.

As embarrassing and familiar as that sequence of bullshit was, this doesn’t have to be the end of a season that was so promising (for eight whole days). This is why you brought in a John Harbaugh. Right the ship and win some ball games against some weaker, shittier-coached teams.

Hopefully, we’ve learned our lesson about sniffing our own farts a bit too hard after one week. I still believe in this team and know that the visibly rattled version of the Giants will be nowhere to be found come Sunday. Then, our hero Jaxson Dart will return on his white horse and lead the team back to the promised land.

UPDATE: I want to die. I hate everything. Sports suck.

NFL Sponsors Are Furious that the Giants forgot to Stop for Commercials

While a large majority of Americans thoroughly enjoyed the whooping my New York Giants laid on the paltry Dallas Cowboys, some of the nation’s elite took great exception to the beatdown—and I’m not talking about Jerry Jones and the rest of his reptile family.

Many of the NFL’s biggest sponsors are outraged by the lack of commercial breaks that came as a result of Big Blue’s series of eight-minute, face-fucking touchdown drives. Stretches of primetime games that typically involve a litany of punts, injury stoppages, booth reviews, and, therefore, ad breaks were replaced by the purest brand of smash-mouth football this town has seen in decades.

As a result, advertisers have filed a formal complaint with the commissioner’s office to flex the Giants out of their Monday Night contest with the Rams. Busted Playbook correspondents were able to obtain an excerpt of said letter:

“The long-sustained drives performed by the Giants offense cannot continue to occur during our nationally televised games. The physical run game, outstanding third-down conversion rate, and general dominance of time of possession prevented our largest audience of the weekend from being subjected to our redundant advertisements. Our Odell Beckham Jr. prop boost wasn’t shown once during the game, which prevented an estimated 10,000 16-year-olds from wagering their parents’ mortgage payments on a washed-up star who was sure to garner zero targets.”

The sponsors aren’t the only ones concerned. Al Michaels and his feeble prostate are extremely worried that the lack of commercial breaks will end up with the Hall of Fame broadcaster dribbling down his trousers when Big Blue plays on Thursday Night Football later this year.

As of now, it is unknown if Roger Goodell will take any official action. But many are speculating that he has already instructed officials to throw even more flags and botch more calls in an effort to slow game flow.

While it doesn’t appear that the Giants will be flexed out of the Monday Night Football slot, this situation remains something worth monitoring as the season progresses.