Fuck Boston, Cam Schlittler is on the Mound
Well, the day has finally come. The matchup we’ve long been anticipating, yet fully expected for months, has arrived. Tonight, the “Run It Back” Yankees hope to run back their 2025 Wild Card performance by once again eliminating the Boston Red Sox.
While the uniforms remain the same, the teams are both in drastically different places this time around. The Yankees are without their captain, yet have established a new identity centered around a dominant starting pitching staff. Locked into their playoff position, they’ve spent much of the past month working injured veterans back into their starting positions. Meanwhile, the Sox had bottomed out, ditched their longtime skipper, gone on one of the hottest hot streaks I’ve ever seen, and then returned to mediocre play over the final six weeks of the season.
Both sides have undoubtedly felt the extreme effects of the ups and downs that only a 162-game season can deliver. Both have faced their fair share of adversity and relied on major contributions from unsung heroes. And each fanbase should feel fully confident that their team’s A-game will result in the timely demise of their hated rival.
If you want to read more about Boston’s path to victory, maybe consult the nearest Bible or Quran, because there is not a chance in hell the Yankees lose to this rag-tag squad of losers.
As far as I’m concerned, the majority of the conversations focused on lefty/righty matchups, defensive replacements, and bullpen decisions are moot points. If the Yankees want to make any noise whatsoever this postseason, it is fully dependent on our starters shoving it up our opponents’ proverbial asses.
Looking at this Boston lineup, I fully expect all of our guys to go seven-plus, rack up Ks, and surrender one run or less. This, of course, all starts with the American League Cy Young winner: Cam Schlittler.
For those of you who may have forgotten one of the greatest closeout pitching performances in MLB history, what’d you get hit in the head? Cam walked onto the mound as a rookie, in a winner-take-all game, and went eight shutty with a 12-pack of strikeouts, sending his boyhood team packing to their syringe-covered beach of choice.
The city of Boston never fully recovered, as they have since spent the last 12 months writing fan fiction about him being some sort of Robot-Bully-Nazi. Then, the second my guy shoots off a joke reply on Twitter, you get little weirdos like Carrabis pushing narratives that Boston remains in his head.
That’s like Fireman Ed saying he makes Tom Brady nervous, only in Ed’s instance, he actually beat the Patriots once a decade. Schlittler has 39 Ks and a 0.56 ERA against Boston. That’s less than half the GPA of the dumbasses who choose to provoke the guy who has smoked them time and time again.
Payton Tolle seems like a good dude, but there are levels to this shit, and tonight, Schlittler adds yet another “Fuck Boston” performance to his resume.
Offensively, the Yankees lineup remains rough around the edges. It might get a little sweaty if they struggle to score early, given our historical struggles against the back of Boston’s pen—specifically, that actual scumbag, Aroldis Chapman.
Again, it’s not worth outlining who needs to get a big hit when, because we’re going to be platooning a number of positions and pinch-hitting in response to bullpen moves throughout this three-game set. Any reliance on guys who haven’t played in months (i.e., Stanton and Grisham) obviously doesn’t make you feel great, but we just need one or two guys to step up, and that should be all the run support we need to get out of tonight unscathed.
Despite the Judge story continuing to get more bizarre by the hour, he really should not be the concern over the next two days. While I’ve spent more time researching the effects of anti-gravity treadmills than I’d care to admit, we really don’t need to force another borderline-handicapped Kirk Gibson type into this lineup.
I’m confident Judge’s story still needs to be told and that he will be a contributor if this team ever does get over the hump. But that needs to remain a conversation for another day.
Tonight, the focus is Schlittler to Bednar to a 1-0 series lead and a closeout game against Sonny Gray. I know the Bronx will be rocking. I know Schlittler will deal. The only question that remains is which one of the Yankee bats hits that first bomb to kick off the festivities?
