Love Island USA Season 8 Power Rankings: Week 1
Another edition of "Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch."
As the weather begins to warm and the NBA/NHL seasons come to a close, it’s time to flip to the next page of the sports calendar. With the Yankees lineup currently consisting of Anthony Volpe in the 6-spot, nightly baseball can be a bit of a tough sell, which means that it in our household Love Island USA season has officially begun.
What better way to celebrate than to kick off another extremely unpopular edition of “Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch”? While I don’t have the mental capacity, work ethic, or late enough of a bedtime to do recaps “every day but hump day”, I do plan on doing weekly “power rankings” of the boys and girls to recap all of the relevant action.
Without further ado, lets get into it. Ladies first:
Beatriz
Hands down the funniest/most normal girl of the bunch. Her joking about picking up another disability to avoid listening to Officer Cornball’s country music was top tier. I assume this is a polarizing topic, but I thought she checked Melanie in a respectful way. The girls had just come off a kumbaya moment where they praised each other for not acting snaky towards one another and she is the only one who stuck to that code. Also her “if he doesn’t like me for me, there’s nothing I can do” attitude when Gabriel floated the idea of talking to Kenzie demonstrated some emotional maturity that is extremely rare on this show.
Aniya
Haven’t seen a ton of her so far, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. At this stage in the game that basically means you’re not overreacting to absolutely nothing which again - isn’t very common within the villa. I’d say her and KC are the betting favorite to win thus far, but we’ll need to see what happens when they face an actual test. My one knock against her thus far is slightly enabling Melanie for future freak outs by justifying her loony behavior.
Trinity
While I somewhat understand why she chose to ride it out with Bryce, she would have skyrocketed up the rankings if she dumped him last night. Isn’t it super obvious to everyone else that she doesn’t like him? You’re 22, feisty, and funny. I hope she gets a fair shake with a bombshell at some point because I’m not buying this duo at all.
Kenzie
Between the bangs and the fact she looks like she’s being electrocuted each time she smiles, it seemed like Kenzie was destined to be this season’s main crazy. She’s somehow recovered from the Zach cheating incident (in which he did not cheat in any way) and appears to have fully bounced back after recoupling with Corbin. However, that dude is probably the most unsubtle player in the villa and when he inevitably screws her over, I think our girl will give us the fireworks we’ve been expecting out of her.
Kayda
I might be in the minority here but I’m just not a fan of this girl’s vibe. It seems like she doesn’t laugh at jokes or even smile unless you’re bathing her with compliments. Super pretty, no doubt – but I just have an odd feeling she’s going to be trouble at some point down the line. And yes, we know where New Hampshire is – Jesus Christ.
Melanie
Bat shit crazy. I’m not going to start crucifying her for the typical “I can explore new connections, but you can’t” double standard that is essentially the backbone of the show. I more so hated her reaction toward Beatriz who was simply letting her know how she came across when she literally boxed out the other girls from speaking with Corbin. You know, the type of advice she loves getting from friends per her convo with Aniya 2 minutes later. I’d “give you 10” on these rankings but there just aren’t enough girls. Total self-absorbed loony bin. I hope she sticks around for a while.
Now for the boys:
KC
This guy is hysterical. From pretending to be a “plant guy” to come across more unique, to reintroducing “butt hurt” back into my vocabulary, and of course the legendary empty door/look around meme, he was probably going to come in at #1 even before last night’s episode. Then he completely solidified his position after his talk with Aniya about her upbringing/celebrating her black culture. KC was able to deliver some of the only meaningful dialogue I’ve ever seen on Love Island. Every damn “chat” on this show essentially devolves into “Yeah you’re my type. I love your boobs.” Shout out to KC for giving the audience a brief glimpse of what an actual relationship should look like. As someone who is initially shy around new people, I also really dug his recoupling speech. I am fully rooting for him to win this thing.
Zach
I was a Charlie guy last season, so I was definitely down for the sequel. He seems genuinely kind and showed some serious emotional maturity by handling Hurricane Kenzie as well as he did. He didn’t pick her, told her night 1 that he probably wasn’t feeling it, didn’t cuddle, and even tried to hash it out/apologize on multiple occasions post “break-up”. He could’ve easily been the main villain and has landed on his feet. I’ll also never say “Chai Tea again” so thank you Zach.
Gabriel
Prior to Gabriel’s arrival, I wasn’t overly impressed with the initial crop of dudes. Then this guy rolls in and all the chicks let him choke them without even hearing his silky Brazilian accent. This is the type of bombshell energy that makes the show move and I fully support it. Disclaimer – if he picks Kenzie over Beatriz (have you heard how she says your name dude?) he is plummeting down the rankings.
Sincere
He’s found himself in quite the predicament after shacking up with Melanie. He seems to slowly be taking the extremely obvious hint that she is bad news, but given the fact he is an Eagles fan makes me think he may be dumb enough to stick around and be tortured. Fuck the birds and this dude’s dumb hair.
Bryce
While he doesn’t seem like a terrible dude, I do think he’s in way over his head. You’re a model? A girl told you that you were cute in 7th Grade? Yeah buddy everyone here is hot, close the yearbook and just be real with yourself and you might have a better chance at getting one of these chick’s attention.
Corbin
While he’s super confident, his “game” almost feels scripted to me. Asking for a kiss from Kayda 3 fucking times was giving “sex pest”. He’s attractive enough where he probably gets away with that in the real world, but I hope these girls start to wise up and avoid the bait. I also found it ridiculous that he gave us the “I’m a reformed player” nonsense when he graduated this past semester. Yeah dude, I’m sure those 3 weeks were a big growth period for you and your fake ass hairline.
Sean (RIP)
I’m not going to weigh in on the intricacies of the taxpayer/police academy budget – but you probably should have just used some PTO instead of throwing away your entire career for this. It seems like Sean’s experience on Love Island is just another notch on his bedpost of poor decisions.
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Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch: Summer House Season 10, Episode 1
Notes from a reluctant Bravo viewer
With the NFL essentially on pause until the Super Bowl, I figured I’d take this opportunity to explore some different ideas for projects during this slower time of year. I wasn’t exactly sure where to start until I walked into my apartment and was informed that the 10th season of Bravo’s Summer House was premiering later that night.
In our early dating days, I was admittedly a hater of Summer House and many of its characters/”cast members”. While a number of these people still annoy the shit out of me, I’ve reluctantly become a fan who enjoys watching weekly with my now-wife.
I thought it would be fun to jot down some thoughts and offer a potentially unique —and extremely unprofessional —perspective as a once-unwilling male viewer.
Again – I want to emphasize that I am not as deeply involved in the podcasts, spin-offs, and lore as 99% of the people reading this. Regardless, I watch the episodes and have my opinions – so let’s dive in.
With tons of different storylines that vary in terms of seriousness and overall relevance – I think the easiest way to stay organized is to break this down by cast-mate. Let’s start with the newbies.
KJ
I loved how the pictures/videos of him as a kid instantly exposed him as a former nerd who experienced a major glow-up. Seems like an overall cool guy.
I imagine his anxiety centers around the expectation that he needs to fight and/or fuck immediately to remain relevant and stay on the show. Just keep doing you dude, I’m rooting for you.
My wife has officially ranked him 1st in her attractiveness power rankings.
Levi
“Hold my beer Maya”. Having a 12-year relationship end before you make your TV debut is certainly interesting.
I don’t envy her having some of her first flirting/dating experiences outside of her HS boyfriend broadcast to the entire world.
I hope she has fun though!
Bailey
I kind of like her weird, quirky personality. We haven’t had that from any of these girls in quite a while.
It definitely was kind of crazy to bring up the Sweet Green incident on night one, but the fact she cried about it makes me feel she needed to get it off her chest. Good for her for being able to share.
Unfortunately, I don’t think the Australian Bachelor dude is into her. Speaking of…
Ben
He’s about to get a rough “homewrecker” edit but I’m curious if there is any actual validity to it.
There’s no way he hooked up with Amanda in Italy right?
I feel like the only time Amanda smiled the entire episode was when she was telling the story of how they met – so who knows?
Overall, this seems like a pretty solid group so far. Hopefully, they can add some much-needed levity to a season that will seemingly be bogged down by all of the pre-divorce drama. Before diving into all of that, let’s touch on the rest of the non-original cast:
West
I was a huge fan of him in his first season. He seemed like the first “regular” guy they’ve ever had on any of these shows, so I liked how he was somewhat relatable.
I was super pumped when he won Ciara over. I was equally pissed off when he screwed that up for seemingly no reason.
Am I wrong for hoping they get back together?
Ciara
Is and always has been the best girl on the show.
I hope she doesn’t stop “being a bitch”. She’s one of the few people who puts some of these idiots in their place.
She seems to have her pick of the litter between the new skater guy, sober Carl, a rehash with West, and per the previews…Jesse Solomon?
Jesse Solomon
I was super amped to not see his ex from last season. Hopefully, he gets back to being the fun-loving weirdo from summers past.
Him playing middleman between West and Ciara was pretty funny. For some reason, they both trust him with information that he drunkenly tells the other the second he sees them.
The previews seem to insinuate that Jesse is going to try to hook up with Ciara. I’m tentatively rooting for a West/Ciara rekindling, so I’d really like to avoid any sort of love triangle related drama. In general, doing that to one of your friends is just an overall shitty thing to do. Speaking of shitty:
Lindsay
It was so nice not seeing her for 95% of the episode.
I’m surprised she didn’t berate Carl for picking up running in her forced facetime cameo.
“OF COURSE HE GETS INTO RUNNING, HE ALWAYS RUNS, HE RUNS FROM COMMITMENT, HE RAN FROM OUR RELATIONSHIP…”
Carl
This guy is beyond broken but somehow this washed life-coach character arc kind of works for me.
I like that he wears karate outfits in his confessionals and calmly checked Kyle on multiple occasions.
I don’t know what gets him so riled up in the preview, but I assume I’ll be rooting for him to beat Kyle’s ass.
Kyle
He is a total moron to not expect this DJ thing to blow up in his face.
I will say, he’s doing a much better job than Amanda of at least pretending like he’s trying to make things work.
That is…until the last scene where he completely overreacted to a see-through bra. That line has been crossed countless times on this show. Even if she did it purely to get a rise out of him, I don’t understand throwing a hissy fit (unless he’s concerned about the Australian guy?).
Amanda
Is it wrong to say that she kind of did sign up for this? He hasn’t been an entrepreneur in half a decade. His job has always been partying on camera/in-public. Now he just plays music while he parties.
I’m not saying Kyle’s a good person or that his behavior is even somewhat acceptable in a marriage. But the signs have always been there and she continuously ignored them.
She is also the clear aggressor and berates him in front of the group constantly. I’m curious if others feel the same, but she’s not going to come across as a sympathetic figure in this eventual break up if this is how she acts all season.
Overall, I thought it was a pretty solid premiere. I like how a majority of the cast isn’t treating a weekend partying in the Hamptons like some sort of burden or obligation. It seems like actual fun will be had and the occasional relationship drama will be mixed in sparingly. The Kyle and Amanda situation is the obvious outlier but at least we know this is the grand finale of that drawn out saga.
If you enjoyed this at all and want to read more, please let me know! If you hate me and prefer I stay in my lane, that feedback would also be appreciated!