Love Island USA Season 8 Power Rankings: Week 2 - RUN KC, RUN!
As fate would have it, the first iteration of “Love Island Power Rankings” has become one of the biggest hits on the site. As a result, the lines between “Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch” and “Shit I Need to Write About to Keep the Blog Afloat” have become extremely blurred.
Thankfully, a controversial recoupling prompted by a controversial American Vote (we seem to have a knack for this) leave me with plenty of discussion points for this week’s rankings. Without further ado, let’s see where each Islander stands after Week 2.
Girls:
Trinity (Last Week 3)
Hands down the realest, funniest girl we’ve got. Her sense of humor and style are equally bizarre, but what’s crazier than any dueling polka-dot fit is the fact that she is still giving Bryce the time of day. I don’t know how/why she didn’t drown that twink in the pool when he tried to ditch her for his best friend’s girl. I’m praying for a good bombshell or two to get her back in the game.
Sol (Last Week N/A)
At first, I thought she was being a bit of a pissy pants about all of the pies. But hearing her talk about the cliquiness of the OG’s and how she’s being painted as a homewrecker for talking to the one guy who gave her any attention was pretty sad. She’s way cooler and spicier than the two sirens who are sucking the life out of their respective men. Keep being a baddie, Sincere or (ideally) KC will come calling eventually.
Kayda (Last Week 5)
I was probably too harsh on her in the Week 1 Rankings. She had every right to call Zach on his bullshit hesitations about sleeping with her.
Kenzie (Last Week 4)
This chick and her double standards are starting to irk me. I’m not a Corbin guy, but him doing his lame-o “May I have a kiss madam?” routine (that he does on literally everyone!) is less than, or equal to you having a whole-ass relationship with Caleb. She then scolded Melanie for rejecting said kiss while giving the reddest “green flag” in history. You can’t call dibs on half the dudes in this place while we have Melanie running around ready to start setting people on fire. The sporadic split routines are cool though.
Jen (Last Week N/A)
Aside from an insanely poor attempt at faking sadness about Bea getting booted, we don’t have much tape on Jen as of yet. Gabe seems to like her, but Gabe also seems to like anyone with 2 eyes, a nose, and at least 1 leg. So we’ll see where this goes.
Melanie (Last Week 6)
I’d say her personality changes like the weather, but it’s consistently sunny in Fiji. I’d liken her mood to a 20-sided die or the value of the cryptocurrency your neighbor Jeff has been trying to sell you. As exhausting as the daily Hot/Cold routine is, it is damn good for TV. I just hope next time no one stops her from charging up those stairs and catching that lying turd Sincere in the act.
Aniya (Last Week 2)
This horrible, gaslighting, she-devil is the biggest faller in this week’s rankings. Really? You’re surprised that people think you’re stopping KC from exploring? Maybe go a single day without manipulating the absolute fuck out of the guy and you can ditch that reputation. He’s had to apologize every episode this week for making three jokes and smiling twice. I should’ve known better when she was enabling Melanie’s nonsense last week. She takes the bottom spot from her bestie simply because she’s doing the same shit to a guy that doesn’t deserve it.
Bea (RIP) (Last Week 1)
My girl was absolutely brutalized by America’s vote. She literally just overcame her first obstacle with Gabriel, only to be canned by some Survivor 50-ass twist. Her “If he doesn’t like me, he doesn’t like me” approach was so endearing and unfortunately I think the producers realized that this mature, sensible mindset isn’t great for television. In the end, she might have just been too good for this show.
Boys:
KC (Last Week 1)
While he remains in the top spot, KC needs to learn to stand up for himself before my patience starts to run thin. You are not a bad person for dating women on the dating show. Aniya is twisting your words and weaponizing her own insecurities to make you feel like the bad guy. I was screaming at my TV to start smooching with Sol right in her face. Please start talking to Sol and/or Trinity ASAP.
Zach (Last Week 2)
Poor Zach thought he was just gonna coast on by, talking about tea, crumpets, and One Direction – all while not sexually committing to his partner? The producers had other plans and our guy is probably getting his butt tickled with a feather in that sex dungeon as we speak. Hopefully that plot line gets a bit more interesting.
Gabe (Last Week 3)
Man, I really thought he and Bea were going to make it. Seeing her break down and say how Gabe made her “feel normal” was such a genuine moment that I’ve spent all subsequent episodes being irrationally angry at Gabe for moving on so quickly. I get it, he’s a flirty dude and expecting him to walk out in solidarity was never going to happen. But at least get in a more convincing couple than this.
Caleb (Last Week N/A)
Do something dude. Kenzie is just about gone. It’s time to get back on your horse cowboy.
Bryce (Last Week 5)
This guy broke the unsacred “bro code” only to instantly be laughed at/rejected by Kayda and his aforementioned bro. Somehow, this wasn’t the final nail in his 5’8” coffin and Trinity remains somewhat interested.
Sincere (Last Week 4)
I get that Melanie can be terrifying, but lying to her face is not the way to avoid a blow up that is all but inevitable at this point. She will never quit you unless you make it explicitly clear, and even then you probably have to be explicitly clear 3-30 more times. At this point, he is just as much of a problem as she is and expecting America’s vote to bail him out of this mess is both unfair and….insincere.
Corbin (Last Week 6)
I guess this is what the “Where’s my Hug?” guy looks like in South Florida. This guy is so corny and so unlikable. He and Melanie are honestly perfect for each other and I hope it works out. That is, unless he’s able to finger blast his way to the promised land with Kenzie.
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Love Island USA Season 8 Power Rankings: Week 1
Another edition of "Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch."
As the weather begins to warm and the NBA/NHL seasons come to a close, it’s time to flip to the next page of the sports calendar. With the Yankees lineup currently consisting of Anthony Volpe in the 6-spot, nightly baseball can be a bit of a tough sell, which means that it in our household Love Island USA season has officially begun.
What better way to celebrate than to kick off another extremely unpopular edition of “Shit My Wife Makes Me Watch”? While I don’t have the mental capacity, work ethic, or late enough of a bedtime to do recaps “every day but hump day”, I do plan on doing weekly “power rankings” of the boys and girls to recap all of the relevant action.
Without further ado, lets get into it. Ladies first:
Beatriz
Hands down the funniest/most normal girl of the bunch. Her joking about picking up another disability to avoid listening to Officer Cornball’s country music was top tier. I assume this is a polarizing topic, but I thought she checked Melanie in a respectful way. The girls had just come off a kumbaya moment where they praised each other for not acting snaky towards one another and she is the only one who stuck to that code. Also her “if he doesn’t like me for me, there’s nothing I can do” attitude when Gabriel floated the idea of talking to Kenzie demonstrated some emotional maturity that is extremely rare on this show.
Aniya
Haven’t seen a ton of her so far, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. At this stage in the game that basically means you’re not overreacting to absolutely nothing which again - isn’t very common within the villa. I’d say her and KC are the betting favorite to win thus far, but we’ll need to see what happens when they face an actual test. My one knock against her thus far is slightly enabling Melanie for future freak outs by justifying her loony behavior.
Trinity
While I somewhat understand why she chose to ride it out with Bryce, she would have skyrocketed up the rankings if she dumped him last night. Isn’t it super obvious to everyone else that she doesn’t like him? You’re 22, feisty, and funny. I hope she gets a fair shake with a bombshell at some point because I’m not buying this duo at all.
Kenzie
Between the bangs and the fact she looks like she’s being electrocuted each time she smiles, it seemed like Kenzie was destined to be this season’s main crazy. She’s somehow recovered from the Zach cheating incident (in which he did not cheat in any way) and appears to have fully bounced back after recoupling with Corbin. However, that dude is probably the most unsubtle player in the villa and when he inevitably screws her over, I think our girl will give us the fireworks we’ve been expecting out of her.
Kayda
I might be in the minority here but I’m just not a fan of this girl’s vibe. It seems like she doesn’t laugh at jokes or even smile unless you’re bathing her with compliments. Super pretty, no doubt – but I just have an odd feeling she’s going to be trouble at some point down the line. And yes, we know where New Hampshire is – Jesus Christ.
Melanie
Bat shit crazy. I’m not going to start crucifying her for the typical “I can explore new connections, but you can’t” double standard that is essentially the backbone of the show. I more so hated her reaction toward Beatriz who was simply letting her know how she came across when she literally boxed out the other girls from speaking with Corbin. You know, the type of advice she loves getting from friends per her convo with Aniya 2 minutes later. I’d “give you 10” on these rankings but there just aren’t enough girls. Total self-absorbed loony bin. I hope she sticks around for a while.
Now for the boys:
KC
This guy is hysterical. From pretending to be a “plant guy” to come across more unique, to reintroducing “butt hurt” back into my vocabulary, and of course the legendary empty door/look around meme, he was probably going to come in at #1 even before last night’s episode. Then he completely solidified his position after his talk with Aniya about her upbringing/celebrating her black culture. KC was able to deliver some of the only meaningful dialogue I’ve ever seen on Love Island. Every damn “chat” on this show essentially devolves into “Yeah you’re my type. I love your boobs.” Shout out to KC for giving the audience a brief glimpse of what an actual relationship should look like. As someone who is initially shy around new people, I also really dug his recoupling speech. I am fully rooting for him to win this thing.
Zach
I was a Charlie guy last season, so I was definitely down for the sequel. He seems genuinely kind and showed some serious emotional maturity by handling Hurricane Kenzie as well as he did. He didn’t pick her, told her night 1 that he probably wasn’t feeling it, didn’t cuddle, and even tried to hash it out/apologize on multiple occasions post “break-up”. He could’ve easily been the main villain and has landed on his feet. I’ll also never say “Chai Tea again” so thank you Zach.
Gabriel
Prior to Gabriel’s arrival, I wasn’t overly impressed with the initial crop of dudes. Then this guy rolls in and all the chicks let him choke them without even hearing his silky Brazilian accent. This is the type of bombshell energy that makes the show move and I fully support it. Disclaimer – if he picks Kenzie over Beatriz (have you heard how she says your name dude?) he is plummeting down the rankings.
Sincere
He’s found himself in quite the predicament after shacking up with Melanie. He seems to slowly be taking the extremely obvious hint that she is bad news, but given the fact he is an Eagles fan makes me think he may be dumb enough to stick around and be tortured. Fuck the birds and this dude’s dumb hair.
Bryce
While he doesn’t seem like a terrible dude, I do think he’s in way over his head. You’re a model? A girl told you that you were cute in 7th Grade? Yeah buddy everyone here is hot, close the yearbook and just be real with yourself and you might have a better chance at getting one of these chick’s attention.
Corbin
While he’s super confident, his “game” almost feels scripted to me. Asking for a kiss from Kayda 3 fucking times was giving “sex pest”. He’s attractive enough where he probably gets away with that in the real world, but I hope these girls start to wise up and avoid the bait. I also found it ridiculous that he gave us the “I’m a reformed player” nonsense when he graduated this past semester. Yeah dude, I’m sure those 3 weeks were a big growth period for you and your fake ass hairline.
Sean (RIP)
I’m not going to weigh in on the intricacies of the taxpayer/police academy budget – but you probably should have just used some PTO instead of throwing away your entire career for this. It seems like Sean’s experience on Love Island is just another notch on his bedpost of poor decisions.
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