Giants v. Vikings - Week 1 Reaction

Last Friday, I decided to take my family (against their will) to the annual Giants Fan Fest. While they don’t share my (extremely unhealthy) passion towards the team, they politely sacrificed their Friday night to roam around the modern architectural marvel that is - MetLife Stadium. The event itself is quite pleasant. Fans can meet former players, tour the team’s locker room, and have full access to the Legacy Club - which includes the 4 Super Bowl Trophies, Ring of Honor Busts, and other relics that celebrate the team’s history.

Since both the outlook for the upcoming season and the recent results have been so dismal, the Giants wisely opted to celebrate clearing a much lower bar - simply existing as a franchise for 100 years. Panels featuring the team’s “Top 100 Players” told stories of the great Parcells, Belichick, and Coughlin as spoiled children pranced around the field in their brand new “Century Red” jerseys. The event was then capped off by an extremely impressive drone show - which commemorated the team’s most famous plays and championship defining moments.

At the time, this intricate light display served as the grand finale for the Simone Biles-esque mental gymnastics routine I had been performing all off-season. “The Giants are back. We have weapons on offense, an improved line, and a pass rush. We’re going to smoke the Vikings on Sunday and kick start a surprise playoff run! I should probably start to blog to document all of this!”

So the inaugural post aged like old guacamole - who cares? 7 people read it. I already paid for the domain, so now is not the time for apathy. It’s time to let the hate and anger fuel me. Until I find a reason to stop drinking myself into a stupor by halftime, we’re shifting to a much darker tone moving forward. Besides - who doesn’t love a nice, sharp pivot at MetLife Stadium?

(Probably Aaron Rodgers, Sterling Shepard, Nick Bosa, Wan’Dale Robinson, Kyle Fuller, Jabrill Peppers, Sterling Shepard (again), Blake Martinez, and Solomon Thomas to name a few)

Let’s start by addressing the 220 lb. overpaid, mouth-breathing, elephant in the room - Daniel Jones is completely cooked. From the very first drive Sunday, it was apparent that I’m going to be subjected to the same level of ineptitude on offense that has haunted my Sundays for 6 fucking years. Inaccurate check downs, procedural penalties, 2 yard runs. Rinse and repeat.

We’ve been force fed this narrative that “the giants are gonna push the ball downfield” all off-season. Not only does Jones still refuse to do so, he can’t even hit the quick stuff anymore. Each and every drop back is the same car crash waiting to happen as the last. The only difference from years past is that the pressure Danny feels currently is often times imaginary - and his patented premature scrambles that used to go for 10 yards, now net 6 whilst getting truck-sticked. DJ is the only quarterback in NFL history that spends literally every second of the play clock, while diagnosing absolutely nothing pre-snap. He has no clue where to go with the ball and never has.

While opting to not only stay for the entirety of the game, but to camp outside the players’ exit to heckle “Danny Derps” is admittedly weirdo behavior - I’m not hopping on any sort of high horse and disavowing it either. That angry mob and I are probably not so different - both having come to the realization that every second and every breath spent defending this guy was not only wasted, but resulted in the Giants giving him a contract larger than the GDP of Kuwait. Its for that reason that I am finally ready for this sick D+ science experiment to end. To quote Daniel Jones himself - “We’ve suffered long enough”. Having this jagaloon get sandwiched between 2 linebackers to trigger his $20m injury clause is such an obvious final joke of this shitty comedy routine. Please for the love of god, pull the plug. At least Lock still has a set of balls to go with his piss-poor mechanics.

The big winner on the day is the Giants defense. They’ve successfully avoided a majority of the ridicule they rightfully deserve by simply existing on the opposite side of the ball as the “offense”. Joe Schoen drafted each and every one of the players in this secondary, often times using premier picks to do so (Flott 3rd, Banks 1st, Nubin 2nd, Phillips 3rd). Yet - we’ve taken so much of this guy’s medicine that our tummies are simply accustomed to accepting this as a major weakness heading into the year. But don’t fret - our D-Line was compared to ‘07 all summer, surely they’ll get home before there are any breakdowns in coverage! Nope. Darnold hit wide open receivers on his first 12 passes and had 2 TD’s and an 11-point cushion before a ball hit that cursed turf. From there, new DC Shane Bowen slowly came to the realization that a pass rush isn’t too effective when you’re trailing every minute of every game this season.

Of course, part of the reason you’re trailing in the first place is due to Kayvon Thibodeaux taking a face mask penalty on 3rd and 16, lining up Banks 1 on 1 with Jefferson at the goal line, and the defense as a whole allowing a 99-yard TD drive after we pull off the best special teams play we’ll make all season. But alas - the time to go full scorched earth on the defense is not today. Instead, let’s go big picture shall we?

Does Brian Daboll suck too? At the time this is written, I’m unfortunately not privy to the film breakdowns that can fairly distribute the blame between “No one is open” and “DJ sucks”. However, the All-22 isn’t required to be dumbfounded by the numerous QB Sweeps both inside the red zone (field position was gifted via fumble) and on consecutive 2nd and 3rd downs at midfield. Where is this creative play calling mastermind we were promised? If my dumb ass can identify Wan’Dale motioning behind 3 receivers means “screen” - chances are an NFL linebacker can as well. Van Ginkel probably hit his head on the goal post laughing after he picked that pass off. He and Kafka couldn’t ahve drawn up a more disastrous play calling debut - probably because they lack the creativity.

In the end, this was yet another Week 1 gut punch that has the potential to completely derail the season. If that phrasing feels familiar - that’s because the Giants have lost 7 of their last 8 openers. Coincidentally, that “Fat Randy” shank in ‘22 is the only time this team has been playing meaningful football past Halloween during that span. How much longer can this keep happening? At this point, having any and all expectations being completely squashed hours into the season is this team’s trademark. Perhaps Mara can figure out a way to align those drones into a patented “blowout week 1 loss” for next year’s Fan Fest - its probably a bit more fitting nowadays.

Giants v. Vikings - Week 1 Preview

Welp, I hope all you sad, strange, little doomers are happy. Your incessant moaning over a couple of preseason interceptions, (admittedly) ugly uniforms, and Joe Schoen’s (semi-scripted) line delivery on Hard Knocks has shifted the court of public opinion into thinking that the New York Football Giants are a bad football team. The nerve!

PFF has us 32? If I gave a shit about some mustached dweebs rambling about imaginary numbers, I probably would’ve done much better in Algebra 2. I understand not putting your kid’s college fund on the Super Bowl future - but the pessimism heading into this season is just plain pathetic.

For the life of me - I can’t understand why the fan base is already down in the dumps before week 1 kickoff. I get it - we’ve been waterboarded by piss-poor play for the better part of the last 3 presidential terms, but the time to reacquaint ourselves with our good friend “rock bottom” is not today. So take your Dak Prescott photo shops and 2025 Mock Drafts and push them up your tush. We’re not playing the ‘85 Bears on Sunday. We’re hosting the Sam Darnold led Minnesota Vikings.

And we’re gonna win.

Does no one remember when we patty-whacked this sad excuse of a franchise in the playoffs a year and half ago - when they had a (somewhat) legitimate quarterback? Trust me, I fully understand that Daniel Jones is (to put things kindly) limited - both in terms of arm talent and overall processing ability. But he and Isaiah Hodgins had no issues prancing up and down the field for 3 straight hours against this defense (twice). Granted, Brian Flores is an obvious upgrade over that box of rocks coordinator Minny trotted out in 2022, but trust me - he’s about as much of a “world beater” as my grandma taking on 7-2.

Much like our old pal Wink Martindale - Flores’ gimmick, “spam the corner blitz” defense was eventually solved by the more intelligent offensive coordinators. The unit surrendered 30 points per game during the final month of the season and is now without their best defensive player - Danielle Hunter.

While 1st Round Pick - Dallas Turner figures to slide right into Hunter’s vacant position, I’d be shocked if he has a major impact in his first NFL action, especially now that the Giants have finally fixed the O-Line for the 9th time this decade (I’m serious this time).

I fear that the late addition of Stephon Gilmore may partially spoil the hopes and (wet) dreams I’ve been having about the debut of Malik Nabers. However, I remain optimistic that if we’re able to run the ball and establish some blitz beating quick passing (TE screens?), the deep shots will open up in the second half of the game. What better time than now for Hyatt’s first NFL TD?

Defensively - there is understandably a lot of worry when it comes to the Giants secondary. The New York Pass Defense (NYPD) has been de-funded enough to satisfy your bluest haired cousin - and we’re going against a fully healthy Justin Jefferson. He’ll undoubtedly “get his” over the course of the afternoon. However, the game plan should focus on stopping the run and getting home with our pass rush on 3rd and long.

Lord knows Sam Darnold is prone to making mistakes in a collapsing pocket. Minnesota has a couple of really nice young tackles that may somewhat limit the debut of the Burns/Thibedoux duo. But thankfully for the G-Men, Dexter Lawrence has historically dominated the interior of the Vikings line and I fully expect that to be the case on Sunday.

I definitely do have some respect for Kevin O’Connell as both a play caller and head coach. I just have more respect for Brian Daboll in both of those areas. The cat is out of the bag - “Skinny Dabes” has taken over play calling duties with his job seemingly on the line in 2024. He knows Flores well and the Giants should have no issues putting up 30+ at home.

While I expect there to be some early communication errors in the secondary, the Darnold turnovers will come. The “Geno Smith” type revival under KOC is the most boring and lazy narrative since Cloud Atlas.

Giants 31 Vikings 21